All the Answers

Interesting times, indeed. So let’s consider the matter. Israel and Gaza and Lebanon and Hamas and Hezbollah and missiles and invasions. What’s the best possible outcome? Well, having strong not-insane Moslem governments -- that wouldn't, for example, teach five-year-olds in state schools that Jews use the blood of Christian children to make matzos -- as is taught in, say, Saudi Arabia, our ally. That country does seem to have a strong government, but it is strong only in the sense that it allows the insanity of Islamism to be directed outward, rather than inward. Alas, the ahem modern Arab world is the spiritual heir of Nazism, and the first page of their political primer taught them to find an enemy which would be the cause of all evil. Well, who else but the Jew, and his instrument, Western Civilization. Remember how much Hitler hated Western Civ? So from our perspective, the best hope of achieving that desired best outcome of non-insane Moslem governments, would be a Reformation, a Great Awakening of the Middle East.

I won’t deal with the issue in terms of Christian ideology. (We’d like them all to be saved, but given that the world lies in the lap of the wicked one, we can hope at most that the angelic Princes who guide each nation somehow overcome their fallen counterparts.) Looking solely at nations, rather than at souls, we would wish that Islam somehow enjoys a growth spurt, and comes at least within a few hundred years of catching up with the Western Hemisphere in terms of mature and humane institutions. Does this seem likely?

We survey the long and mournful saga of human civilizations, and find very little that suggests they are capable of redemption. Nineveh comes to mind, where blanched Jonah strode in burning ire the broad avenues, preaching no gospel of grace, but of coming wrath. He refused to offer hope. Forty days, and your doom will come. And he, for one, was glad of it. Nineveh was, you see, the hardened enemy of patriotic Jonah’s homeland. Yet the king of Nineveh heard, and moved in a way that Pharaoh was not, he issued a decree of national repentance. Of what did they repent? Did they adopt the worship of Jehovah? We are not told. But some egregious sin was put away, and it was sufficient to renew God’s patience.

No other example comes to mind. Rome had its good emperors and its bad. The iron and clay that is Europe’s kingdoms have had their good and their bad kings. China and India and Bactria and Phrygia and every nation extant or swallowed by the grave have had their brief eras of prosperity or blight. But these are, all, not of a kind when compared to Islam. There is not a nation nor an empire that stands as representative of this faith. Even the Caliphate was but a single voice, albeit a sometimes forceful one, among many Moslem voices. Islam stretches in a broad arc from the Atlantic to the Pacific -- which, covering Africa and Asia, is vastly larger than our own small stretch of American glory, that bounds these oceans on the other side of the world. Islam is vast in a way that something confined by mere national borders cannot be.

It is not crust, but yeast -- or rather, it is a virus, which has mutated the way the flu virus mutates, and suddenly there is a pandemic. Hardly anyone is alive today who remembers the millions of deaths to the flu in 1918 and 1919. It was like the Black Death. And then it went away.

The etiology of Islamism is not so mysterious. It is a Satanic hybrid of Mohammad and Hitler, of the Koran and Mein Kamph. The giant in the earth today wears a lunar crescent and a solar swastika -- and somewhere on its robes we must find a third of the stars. We have met monsters before, of course. International Communism suggests itself. But it had an agent, a centralized impetus in the USSR. Islamism, for all that it is a giant, is not so much gold or silver or brass or stone, as miasmic vapor -- diffused throughout countless madrases and mosques, marketplaces and universities, camps and caves. How to rid the world of this infecting pollution?

Some generations are lost. What needs to be done is to close down the schools of hatred that teach that someday every stone will cry out for the death of a Jew. The solution is generational. I do not see a Great Awakening, because they are so very rare, and require the hand of God manifested through some great, and true, prophet. Islam has had no Gandhi. Islam has had no Washington, no Lincoln. It has had its great conquerors, but it has had no great nation builders. Ataturk? He was barely Moslem at all. No, Islam has had only Mohammad. Mohammad must be sufficient, and only Mohammad can be sufficient, for Islam. To me this seems unfortunate. Because if Islam has had its last visionary, and that so many hundreds of years ago, then Islam can only change to be more Islamist. It can only be the scorpion that stings the heel, or the brigand who falls upon the pilgrim, or the assassin who strikes from the mountains.

Since there is no truly saintly leader on the horizon, we must gird ourselves for the long wandering journey. We must form alliances with not-insane factions in extant Islamic governments, and require the hygienic measure of responsible education. It will only take 15 years to raise up a new generation. This is but the blink of an eye.

In the meantime, there is the troublesome issue of oil. The Lefties are half right, in their blood for oil mantra. For truly, we would care very little for most of these countries, were it not for the single and legacy resource that they possess. We would leave them to ineffectual rhetoric and feckless rage -- we would close our borders to them -- were it not for the requisites of commerce. So we do have it within our power to greatly diminish our involvement, and at the same time starve the evil out of them, by developing energy sources other than Islamic petroleum. Our negotiating would be much stronger, if we did not need their oil.

So, off the top of my head, I’ve come up with a long-term, two-pronged plan: save the next generation, and save energy etc. Abracadabra. As it is written, so let it be done. Of course that hardly addresses the immediate problem of Gaza and Lebanon and Hamas and Hezbollah. It doesn’t deal with Eurabia. But I have a brilliantly practicable and ingeniously simple plan for perfectly and forever disposing of that intractable problem as well. Did you expect less? And I'm about to tell you right now what it is. It’s … it’s … oh, wait a moment. Someone’s at the door. Excuse me, this'll just take a sec.

Why hello -- I hardly expected to see you here. I was just ... I ... what, what are you doing? Hey, that’s not funny. Put that away. No! Wait! Please! No! Stop!!! Aaaarrrrgh!!!!

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