It's just been preying on my mind. The View. That old-chick show. Biddies? The one, Joy B, funnylady, asked McCain a probing question. I saw a snippet. Something like, "Since your two ads were lies, and you approved them, well, why did you approve them?" That's the gist of it. I'm still just shaking my head. What. An. Idiot.
Forget about the breach of civility. She called him a liar to his face. Does he deserve that? Is he a dishonorable man? Can't we disagree with someone, without impugning their character? The woman is a fool, of course, because she could not frame a fairminded question. But that's not it.
It's that she cannot see any other point than her own. Since she disagrees with the ad, it must be a lie, and McCain must be a liar. Because, obviously, her view is the correct one, and everyone knows it. So no one disagrees with her -- they just pretend to, and work against her because they're bad. We're like Satan. We believe in God, and fight him anyway. We know the truth, her truth, and hate it. So we're evil. Or maybe, just maybe, she is, in this regard, genuinely stupid. Not ad hominem. She's not wrong because she's stupid -- she's stupid because she's wrong. She's wrong because she will not concede that we disagree on principled grounds. She is an absolutist.
All bound up with this muted outrage that's been simmering between my ears is that thing earlier this year with where I used to roll. Haven't rolled since the end of May, but I'll be starting up again soon, if for no other reason then that it's the only way I'll see my son. But what's been cropping up, very much like The View issue, is the idea of cowardice.
They didn't deal with me. They just cut me out, and used phony emotional reasons as their excuse. R couldn't deal with the idea that the assumed criticism might have had some truth to it. The difference between sensitivity and cowardice is in how we face it. He ran. As it were. Same with K. To have manufactured phony excuses rather than just come out and baldly state that he didn't like me and wanted me to leave -- it's low. I'd rather be dealt with straight. It's clean that way.
The theme, then, is integrity. Behar was ungracious and bigoted. Her man is Obama of course, so she can only attack. She attacked her guest. Shameful. She lacks the greatness of soul to understand the argument, the, uh, view of her, her enemies. I understand islamists and their bombers. It's not hard to get it. I understand the global warmers. It's easy. It's seeing the emotion. They just can't do without it.
Ah well. I'm having a bathroom built. I'd have done it myself, but it's a raised floor and I didn't want to use my rough and ready skills on something that people have to walk on. The builder suggested an electrician, with a quote of $500. No freaking way. It took me about two hours to wire it, with lights, switches and outlets. Ridiculous.
Last night I was pretty close to despair. My life has become pointless. I was watching a mother play with her little boy on the grass of the preschool across the street. "Now where is he? I just can't find him!" And he squealed with delight. In the hardware store I saw a little boy who looked just like a neighbor friend of my son's, 20 years ago. Being a father was the thing I did best. Now it's done. Don't hand me cliches, please -- you know what I mean.
No role, no importance, no effect. So I think about things like courtesy and being fairminded. I think about God, and how all things work to the good, for those who love him. I had to ask myself, do I love God? The answer depends on whether or not love is emotional. But if it's not, then it must depend on actions. And in neither case could I make a strong case, that I love God. I don't feel it. My life doesn't show it. What I feel is abandonment. Fortunately we're not saved by loving God -- we're just commanded to, and promised that all things work to our good if we do. It seems it's possible to trust someone you don't love.
But I wish I could feel it. Instead of grief and futility.
J
8 comments:
"Being a father was the thing I did best. Now it's done."
Why? It doesn't have to be so. You could be a father again, as you're certainly healthy enough to go through that again, no? Meet the right girl...etc.
There's foster care and adoption but maybe that opens old wounds.
For that matter, don't you think we are a little like your children in some small way?
We may be children who are smartasses that talk back and give you grief (and joy), but isn't that like the real thing. :)
You should probably delete this post after some time...I don't like taking away from your work. I try to find a balance in giving you some small ounce of support without distracting other readers with my nonsense. But your last paragraph was just heartbreaking. I have asked myself similiar questions. I even find myself praying that I would love God. Can He help us do that? I hope we can without having to go through the anguish that C.S. Lewis spoke of when he said "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains"
We have to be complete people. For all our isolation, we must be honest.
The only posts I delete are those that may be unfair. Fairness, again. It's not a law of nature or of God. Why does it seem so important?
Jack, I've been a Christian for 9 nine years. I've thoroughly enjoyed getting to know God through His Word and through His people. But I often have the sneaking suspicion that though His Word has become very intimate to me, I don't know that I really love Him. I'm intimate with Him, but I don't think that I really love Him. Does that make sense? I want to, but I don't know if I'm capable of loving God. It seems like a huge mismatch. This was a very thought provoking post. One of your best in my opinion. Bet you didn't think about that going into it.
I told my husband recently that I didn't think I loved God. His mouth dropped. I ask him if he loved God, and he said emphatically YES!!! So maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not capable of loving God. The great part about it though is that He loves me anyway whether I reciprocate or not. Come to think of it...that's enough to make me want to love Him even if I can't.
I'm more apt to drop the mask here than anywhere. Well, not mask. Maybe come out from the shadows more. So, no, I didn't think about it going in. I'm not a *jump into the deep end* guy. But sometimes you find yourself in deep water. Spirituality, too.
We're lucky, though. I can't think of anyplace it says we'd *better* love God. Commandments are something different. Our is a religion founded on disobedience. God gets that. Sometimes even our spirit is unwilling, let alone our flesh. We can leave the perfection to God, though. There's only one thing we MUST do.
Again, your post was very though provoking. It inspired me to write this.
Do I Love God?
It would please me if you would read it.
Left a comment.
I'm afraid in the process of trying to honor your follow up request on your comment, I inadvertently eliminated it.
Key word here is inadvertently.
Sorry. Try again?
No worries. Thanks for the effort. I really must be more careful. I only survive because I'm so crafty. :-)
J
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