Horse Trading

Which do you hate more, blame or hypocrisy? Because Obama is attempting to rehabilitate Carter, and we expect emulation will follow adulation. We do want, eventually, something more than self-confidence in those who push themselves forward claiming to have a vision. Marx had a vision. More than mysticism, we should opt for actual reality.

What are we to make of the man who clings steadfastly to his course, regardless of opposition or setbacks? Is it high character? Is it willfulness and delusion? If he turns out to be right, was it wisdom, or just coincidence -- the way a gambler keeps rolling the dice? Was he right to do so, or just lucky, if despite the odds he did get lucky.

In Obama's case, he is admirable in his self-assurance. It's his common sense that's the problem. The government, which cannot manage its own finances or departments, is set to absorb another huge segment of the economy? And this will be paid for by raising taxes? -- in a time of profound uncertainty? The government, which produces nothing, will take resources from the most productive citizens to underwrite the healthcare of those who, statistically, don't have the brains to take basic preventative measures? We should subsidize sickness? -- pay for it, so we can get more of it? As I say, it is a measure of common sense.

It is a silly thing to criticize oddities of style. That Obama is lauded as a master orator is inevitable after the inarticulate Bush years. Almost anyone would have been better, at speaking. The fact that Obama is not a great speaker, but rather a gifted speech giver -- well, in our entertainment-centered culture it takes only a few well-rehearsed performances to make a reputation. The ums and uhs are no less inelegant than the Bush malaprops and neologs, but Obama says the right things, and style is so much more important than substance, we'll all agree. In this case, the style is about the words, health and care. Who could be against such good words? They'd have to be monsters.

The good news is that abortion will be free. Oh, didn't you know? Yes, how could it not be, if health care is paid for by taxes. So that's good. I'm a bit worried about the favoritism toward women -- I mean, what comparable procedure could men have? Penis enlargements? How many times can I have that done? A woman can have an abortion every few months. That's unequal treatment, and I will not stand for it. Okay, here's the deal, I'll go for the abortion thing if they give me some more free penis enlargements, a scrotal tuck because I'm not so young anymore, a boatload of Viagra or its generic equivalent -- I'm not greedy -- and open ended roundtrip airfair to Costa Rica. And I want a tattoo removed from my face. For this I'll trade you unlimited abortions, a boob job, lip enhancement, which I will want too, and a pedicure for your poodle. And later, if the mood is right, perhaps over a carafe of chilled Chianti and some free government cheese, we'll discuss the anus bleaching.

I just can't wait to show off my gigantic penis and tiny scrotum, which funnily enough is what the tattoo on my face is. I'll be a veritable genital Ivan, all hyperdeveloped where it counts. Yeah!

What, I'm vulgar? No, hijacking 20% of the economy is vulgar. Hijacking so they can drive it off a cliff. Obscene.


J