Just Me, Rambling

Talked to someone at the Y after my soak about atheism and its alternative. He brought the subject up. A friend of his is reading a book by the celebrated anti-religionist Dawkins. Maybe I should read that book? No. Why not? There is no new idea in it, for me. No new argument. Just more of the same sloppy logic, self-righteous bigotry masquerading as rationality. I went though my usual sermon about life only coming from life, intelligence only from intelligence, and this means, beyond any other consideration, that we know the atheist is wrong. Whatever its nature, there is more than this universe. Did the "facts can be demonstrated" thing, and anything else is faith. You must know the drill by now. If not, click through another of my blogs, Historic Christianity. Gods Are Not Great; On the Immorality of God; All Good Moslems Go to Hell; On Why Religion Is Bad. The usual suspects.

I'm a pretty good writer. It's a useless skill. There is no interest or market for what I do here. Just you, and a few others. Am I wrong?

Took an Advil today. Must have been two years out of date, but it made a difference, so I could roll. Tried to apply a few techniques I took the trouble to actually remember. Need polishing. But I thought to do some. That's good. Forgot to curl on a choke, but I expect I'll remember next time. I'm too inhibited though. Too unwilling to go hard, be rough. Then when I do it's just strength. But I'm so aware now of how inadequate my whole game is that I seem to be more serious about getting better. My motives for the sport have been complex. Slightly simpler, now, and the emphasis should be on getting better, rather than just doing it. Apply techniques. Duh.

And some things are clicking. Armbar to triangle to omaplata. ATO. Why did I never think to do that before? I know I've drilled it. Just didn't register in any meaningful way. This, this is why I've said my bjj sucks. I don't suck, my body doesn't suck -- I get results. But I know how limited I am. I just about only want to roll with new whitebelts now. I want to try new things, apply them, not just do the same old crap -- my one sweep, or take the back. Then what? Duh.

I saw part of A Clockwork Orange. My brother back in the early 70s was in love with that movie. Played the soundtrack endlessly. Well of course he loved the movie. It shows titties and female pubic hair. I think I saw a dick. I'd never seen it before, the movie I mean. Crap. Absolute crap. It's like it was done by amateurs. Unwatchable. Like it was blown-up Super8. Like it was badly improvised, which it must have been. A Singing in the Rain rape scene that's one of the worst-acted slopbuckets I've ever seen. Like it was deliberate. Thirty minutes stolen from my life. No wonder my brother was such an utter eh-hole. I'm the sanest one in my family, and I'm nuts. Can you sense my anger and dismay? About the movie, and by extension, everything else?

Do you at least think about me? I know I'm not answering your needs anymore, but, well, I don't know what to say. Should I be abandoned for that? It's like I'm running down.


J