To: sweet_dreamzz19@yahoo.com
United Nations Office, UK
3 Whitehall Court
London
SW1A 2EL
Dear Sir/Madam,
It has come to our notice that 25% of your countrymen has been scammed in one way or the other. I myself has been cheated on by a former lover. Life is so unfair. Sometimes I find it hard to continue on in this veil of tears. On this basis, the UN Office-UK had an urgent executive meeting on the 18th of March, 2009. At this meeting, the issue of payment of compensation to victims was a key point agenda which arose to a lots of argument between executive members. After an hour of violent argument, the debate came to bloody conclusion in which three Asians and some islanders lost their lives and one African ate someone's heart, to pay 40% of the victims a total sum of £1,000,000.00 (One Million Great Britain Pounds) under the section 23, article IV, code 12 of the colonial order.
We congratulate you, as you were among one of the 40% of the 25% selected for the payment of One Million GB lbs. To avoid any imperative mood by intending scammers, your above compensation sum has been transmute to a bank draft. You are advice to fill the below form and return back for proper delivery to your country.
Full name:........................................
Address:...................................
Tel:.....................................
E-mail:.....................................
Bra cup size if applicable.......................................
Favorite scented oil fragrance..................................
Age at first sexual experience (that included penetration).............
Please fill the above form without any error and forward it to the below courier company for them to deliver your bank draft to you.
CRYSTAL DIPLOMATIC COURIER
UNIT 7, TRIDENT INDUSTRIAL ESTATE
BLACKTHORNE ROAD SLOUGH
SL3 0AX, LONDON, UK.
TEL: +44-7031875432
E-MAIL: crystaldiplomaticcourier@live.com
You're to contact them by e-mail so, beware of crooks and imposters who might claim they can help/assist you get your compensation.
Due to the strict law guiding the remittance of huge sum of money in your country by your country's Apex Bank (CENTRAL BANK), you will have to follow legal guidlines given by me, the guy who sent you this email. You shall know me by the scarlet rose affixed to my cravat when we meet after you send me the airfare first class to meet at a mysterious but sexy cafe in your country.
Once again we congratulate you for your success at being a past victim of fraud and goodluck.
Best regards,
Sir Gareth Evans
Head of International Crisis Group
UN-UK
-----
Well? What do you think? I got screwed by Mrs. Arafat, and that South African Lottery never panned out. But this is the freakin United Nations of the World. The U.N fer cripe's sake! So what if the grammar is a little wonky. English is not Esperanto, the world's preeminent auxiliary language. Maybe Sir Gareth's U.N secretary lost her bifocals or something, and couldn't proofread. Maybe Keith Olbermann was busy oiling his hair. And I am not nor have I ever been "sweet_dreamzz19", neither @ yahoo nor anywhere else. I will continue to steadfastly maintain this fact to my dying bre@h. Or is that the U.N email? And I am unable to find section 23, article IV, code 12 of the colonial order ... would the colonial order even be in effect today? Does the U.N have colonies?
My favorite scented oil is Lavender d'Lite by Sensual Secrets, a division of Sweet Dreamzz 19 International. I don't know my pec size. A pharmacist recently took some other biometrics, the very impressive results of which are available to members of my subscription website.
The real question is, do I dare hope? Isn't it about time some good luck come the way of the old Jackhammer? Would that be too much to ask? I'm a very good man. Why can't I catch a break? Sometimes I just feel like dumping a tanker of dioxin into the reservoir. Screw the world. I hate you all.
J
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