Sun Poisoning

So far today, every time I've caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface, I gotten a powerful erection. What is it with me, always talking about my erections? I'm so sick. But I just can't get over my beauty. It's intimidating. Such a small thang makes such a big difference. Spent some time in the sunlight yesterday, and I'm golden again. Never noticed how gorgeous I really am, but the tan, the golden radiance I emit now -- it just adds that final touch of perfection. Like rolled dough, all pasty and pale, now baked into, oh, I don't know ... something fancy and French, with crispy flakes and a sort of glaze. You see where I'm going ... delicious. So, of course, the erection.

I was a judge in a sort of athletic competition yesterday. That's why I risked the skin cancer, and have touch of sun poisoning. The power. That sort of authority is too valuable to pass up. Bending people to my will, disqualifying them, making them cry, allowing them their petty feelings of success. No wonder I'm still aroused.

I shaved off my mullet, I probably told you. I love the flair, but I was getting gooey boils on my scalp that were turning my hair red, so it had to go. That was my girlfriend's nickname in high school. Gooey Boyle. Now I have a buzz cut, like a lesbian. My beautiful superior blond hair is ... well, I don't know what I wanted to say. I just wanted to remind you that I'm blond, which is the best thing to be. I'm a little less blond, though, since that gash on my shin. Tore all the follicles off. A long cruciform scar, now. Like stigmata. And I don't suppose the gray in my hair counts as blond. You can't tell the difference. But I can. Not that it's technically gray. Not really silver either, though. I guess I'm going to have to go back and start calling it white again, like when I was a boy.

Man I'm interesting. My body is so fascinating. Oh the things I could tell you about my beautiful body. But I just discovered that this computer has a narrator function. Hearing these undying words spoken back to me is too much to resist. I'll be busy for the next few days, then.

Until then, I remain, obediently yours,


J