Whatever

Turns out Tuvok Obama has emotions after all. He told us so. Other than the obvious one, of overweening pride. When you're that wonderful, which of course it is impossible for anyone else to be, pride is an obligation. But my oh my, he would be sooo furious, if fury were productive. He allows himself the pride because it is so productive.

From now on, the years shall no more be counted Anno Domini, the Year of our Lord. Henceforth, the years shall be BP -- Barack Primus ... no, uh, By Proclamation ... Busted Pipe ... um, buh, buh ...

Okay, my muse has left me. It's just that it's been almost a week and I know how disloyal my readership is. Gotta put on the little show to keep the rubes quiet. It's just that I've been very busy. I had the operation. You know, the operation. You know, about that thing in my pants? It was such a nuisance. No, just kidding. There's nothing in my pants. Well, sometimes I store potatoes there. Ah, I see I spelled potatoes correctly. The operation was about removing that parasitic twin from my armpit. No, just kidding again. I'm keeping that. The operation, the operation. You know that one. We talked about it when we were drag queens, no I mean heroin addicts in the Tenderloin district. I got yer tenderloin right here, baby. So anyway, I had it. Like I have my wisdom teeth, all four of them. Plenty of room in my mouth, baby, for all kinds of teeth. Got room for more. Bring em on. I have a unhinging jawbone, like an anaconda. I can swallow a watermelon whole. The chicks really dig that.

And this is where I would tell you the secret of it all. Except it's inside a suitcase that shines like the heart of a star, and then we all die.

J