JA

Julian Assange, one of the handsomest men in the world,

because he's so blond, which is the best thing to be, but maybe he's not blond,

which is just creepy, but he's probably tall, so very attractive, and pale is beautiful, very pale, sallow even, like a cave salamander's belly, which is so hot and beautiful, and not to be inappropriate but I bet his, you know, manhood, if you get my meaning, is really something hot Hot HOT!! -- well, anyway, uh, what was I saying? Something about WikiLicks and how good it is. Is it true that Julian had real sex with women? That's so hot. I wonder what it's like. And they were asleep, too. That makes it even better. And no, you know, uh, I don't want to say the word, but that, uh, thing that goes on your thing? That makes it rape though, and it's not good to rape woman. Those Swedes are very enlightened. Makes up for all the nun-raping we did a thousand years ago when we were uncivilized Vikings, not that I'm technically a Swede, although they invaded and controlled Norway for 200 years, the bastards. But I look much younger than Julian Assange, even though I'm much older. He must take drugs. He was raised on Magnetic Island. Magnetic. Isn't that cool? Like a character from Jules Verne. We should call him Jules Assange. And his mother had him in a cult led by Australian Yoga instructor Anne Hamilton-Byrne, who pretended 14 kids were her own, forged the paperwork, and starved them and often dosed them with psychiatric drugs such as Anatensol, Diazepam, Haloperidol, Largactil, Mogadon, Serepax, Stelazine, Tegretol and/or Tofranil. Mogadon is a funny word. Like something Edgar Rice Burroughs would write about -- "Hero John Carter escapes the Citadel of Serepax to fight a battle royale against the multi-tentacled demon Mogadon of Largactil!" And she gave the kids LSD as an initiation rite into puberty. And Julian was kept in hiding during a five-year custody battle against one of his dads, and then he had his own 10-year-long fight with one of his babies mammas. Awake or asleep, the dude gets more ass than an enema tube. LOL.

So of course he should be nominated for Man of the Year, and also Most Fascinating Man in the World. More like He-man ... Most Fascinating He-man of the Year in the World! Like me!

J