My Real Topic

Of course you have missed me. My wisdom, my brilliance. How I pity you, not being me, or at least around me. So sad.

"Let me just say this. What we need to do is..."

Oh, pardon me. I was channeling Obama. So very, very eloquent. Eleven useless, wasted words. But so eloquent. Very. Humble, see, cuz he's asking permission. And then inspirational, cuz he's informing us about what we all need to do. That Assistant Professor Obama is such a pedagogue. That's so good.

Back when I was a father I was a real hugger. Kisser too. Touching has always been an odd thing with me. Even when I was very little. Pre school. Elementary school. Kind of strange I know. I'm sure I was abused. Wish I could remember. Not even family members, birth family, were in the theoretical group of people who could touch me. Then I got married, somehow, and I remember my sister-in-law saying I was a lot more normal, touchwise. Yes, I was. I had an anchor. Maybe I even said something like that, outloud. But it's been a long time since I've been married, and quite a few years since I had kids.

Then the other day someone I know, and love, hugged me, and others commented on the fact. Apparently I am notorious. And I said something like, "He is in my family." It seems that to me family does not mean blood ties. Repugnant is too strong a word -- but I do not want hugs from, say, my brothers. I wish I could forgive. But it's nice to love. I always squeezed my boys, hello, and always goodbye too. I'm around a few kids now once in a while. I might be loosening up a little with them now. But they are other people's kids, not fatherless, not unloved, and they don't need me. That's okay. We can love even when it is not needed. Never know when it might come in handy. It might save a life. It might save mine. In any case, it is the difference been happiness and misery.

I have become aware that I don't smile much. I used to, I think. I think I don't now, the way I used to, because I want to be left alone. A sort of don't fuck with me thing. Unpleasant. Maybe I should try to change that. There are people in stores I frequent, clerks, who have gotten to remember me. They start conversations. It's like pushing a truck, for me. Maybe I should make the effort. Who am I trying to be? My father?

I had some very wise things to say about Egypt. All figure out. But I've forgotten what they were. Might have been that democracy is not all it's cracked up to be. It's not how we get there, it's where we get. We want to get to a place of justice and equality before the law. And I thought, and it's true, that monarchy is the best form of government. For those of a certain orientation, it's undeniable. When Jesus comes again, he is not voted into office. He rules as an absolute monarch. Whereas democracy elects, oh, say, well, pick a demogogue, or a pedogogue. The wisdom of the crowd is a logical nullity. Intellect v emotion -- gee, who will win? Civilization is an entropic slide away from a few initial good decisions. The Constitution, then decay. So much for Evolution.

Stay tuned for my continued sporadic observations of brilliance and beauty, like me, and my penis. That has after all been my real topic.

J