Thriller

I tell you, a thrill ran up my leg, just the same as with Chris Mathews. I'm sure his thrill wasn't at all homoerotic. The attraction he feels will have nothing of the Man-4-Mandingo in it. It's the oratory, dude, only the oratory, and not his caramel skin and long lanky limbs and bold African profile. Not at all. For my part, the fact that my thrill is associated with a woman, and I am a man, well, there is nothing biological about it at all.

How far did the thrill, Mathews' and mine, advance before it stopped? For my part, I'll admit it, some of that thrill may have lingered a while about the crochal area before it moved on up to my heart and head. So sue me. She's hot -- a real woman, complete, realized, comfortable in her skin.

I am serious, you know.

So that's the VP. What about the rest of McCain's Cabinet? I'm not a pol wonk -- a polliwonk -- so all the bigwig political mavens may not mean much to me. But in the field that even I would know, there are some names. Guilliani was my guy. Not in the specific, but by virtue of his manifest, unarguable competence. Look at what he did. I am past caring about his infidelities. Were the dark years of the clinton regime wasted entirely? I think we must have grown up a little, at least. We're willing to get behind McCain, after all -- the comparison not being one of character, mind you. So Guilliani, as Attorney General. He was a prosecutor. He was ruthless. He was effective. It's too obvious to defend.

Romney for Secretary of State. He's a business man. Business men make deals, to their best advantage. They're negotiators. What else should a diplomat do, but make deals with foreign entities for the benefit of United States. For crumbs sake, wouldn't it be nice for once, finally, at long last, to have someone in the State Department who knows something about horse trading? Every other country in the world gets this. We don't. Albright? Christopher? Puh. Leez. The Russians are the toughest bargainers in the world. We never come out ahead. And they're COMMUNISTS. What do they know about bargaining? They know that they want to win. The Chinese are also the toughest bargainers, as are the North Koreans and the Iranians and every other real and potential enemy we have. So how about Romney. He's smart enough. I have to hope he's strong enough too.

That's all I can think of. Insufficient grasp of the particulars. I'm not quite sure what the Secretary of the Interior does. We'll give that one to Huckabee. The point is, conservatives should conserve. Talent enough to be president should be talent enough to run a cabinet department. Ambition should be rewarded, if it is matched by an equal amount of competence. The primaries should have a purpose other than auditioning for only one office. After all, winning some primaries is all the experience Obama actually has. If that's enough to recommend him for the presidency, it's enough for some lesser job.

My secret wish was for Sarah. It came true, beyond any hope of expectations. In this giddy atmosphere of triumph, however fleeting, might I be allowed to hope that even more wisdom and confidence might be shown? We shall of course see. But who knows what exquisite thrills stretch out before or behind us, lined up like caravaning elephants ready to trek up our legs and ... and ... well, that's really not a very apt metaphor. But anyway, maybe politics will give me an orgasm, like it does with Chris Mathews. I have the fantasy all picked out.


J