The Biden Balloon

It's completely appropriate, our national security symbolized by a balloon.  School buses used as a size-metric is also apt (Trump's hands would also do).  We're on a short-bus field trip to the circus -- cotton candy (no peanuts), bearded lady, tattooed man, hermaphrodite.  Mind you, this is my fantasy circus ... I mean, that this would be a circus ... it's reality.  Freakshow.

And here's our balloon man, our presidential balloon boy.  No, not presidential.  Our balloon boy president.  He is presiding, yes?  Well at least present, physically -- there he is, shuffling off stage in the wrong direction.  He can't help being old, or looking like a melted clown being suffocated with cellophane.  As they used to say about him, "Senator, you're no James Buchanan."  (Buchanan was of course the pres who oversaw the destruction of the Union -- later saved by Lincoln.)

Campaigning, they hid the onset moderately well.  But, Article 25, re incapacity.  Except, in the wings, Harris.  It could happen.  It's the early-90s joke: if assassins are shooting at Pres Bush, the Secret Service has orders to shoot Dan Quayle.  What we wouldn't give, for Dan Quayle.  We don't talk about gravitas anymore.  It's racist.

Every time they say her name, it should start with that dramatic descending-three-note sound effect: duh duh duh ... Harris!  Because Biden is not the worst thing that could happen. It's just the worst thing that's happened so far. I do not want Biden to be removed from office, for any reason.  Because we have a Constitution, we conservatives, and Harris is the deal they, the non-conservatives, got.  We have to, well, not honor, but abide by what the rules have allowed.   

This is why democracy is the worst political system, except for all the others.  The biggest liars and cheaters, and incompetents, sometimes take the brass ring.  There she is, gibbering and giggling, peeping from the wings, West Wing, left wing.  Please Lord, preserve our President.

A Red Chinese surveillance balloon, allowed to cross the entirety of the continental United States, Alaska included.  Not shot down, because of the hazard to people on the ground.  You know, because raining debris would imperil the milling throngs of Montana's many metropolises.  (State population by density: 50- Alaska, 49- Wyoming, 48- Montana...)  The sky is falling. 

Somehow, somehow it seems relevant that throughout history only one person is known to have been struck by a meteorite -- Ann Hodges, Alabama, 1954.  At least one person is known to have been killed by frozen sewage fallen from a plane - 'blue ice'.  In all of history, no Montanan is known to have been harmed by falling Chinese surveillance balloon debris.  

Of course, "people on the ground", sometimes known as "Americans", would be the very reason for national security, and protected air space, and international law.  But, as per our national motto, Whatever.

The Red Chinese are planning to retaliate for the Biden Balloon being shot down after the spy mission was successfully completed and far out on the continental shelf, of the Atlantic Ocean.  Because it was a weather balloon.  Aint no spy balloons here.  What, this? Heh heh, whatchu talkun bout.  This is not the balloon you're looking at.  

But lies will out.  The "weather" balloon story was authorized by some Red Chinese apparatchik who expected Biden to comply with Politburo orders.  Biden had been instructed to stone wall, no, potatoe mushmouth until the balloon went very byebye.  The apparatchik will grow old, maybe Biden-old, in a Red Chinese gulag.  Failure will not be tolerated.  The crime is in being caught.

And when Biden was discovered?  Oh, oh, busted! How do we spin it!?!  Like a pinwheel, sticking to our circus, no, carnival, no, carnivàle imagery.  

So now Red China has to punish us, retaliate.  "What?!  You don't pretend to believe our lies!?!  Bring out President duh duh duh Harris!  Let's ... Make China Great Again!  MaChiGA, MaChiGA, MaChiGA, MaChiGA, MaChiGA..." [wild cheering]

Potato tomato, potatoes tomatoes, politburo toilet bureau - let's call the whole thing off [rim-shot].

J