Again, Yet Another American Atrocity Once More

ood bath committed by the imperialist so-called Americans – AmeriCONS … oh, that’s rich – against the defenseless patriots of Samurai, who are only defending their sacred land against the so-called Christian invaders. One of your humble reporter’s trustworthy sources - a prestigious and widely-respected official in the former Iraqi government - states, “The American invaders are killing babies! Actually hunting down babies, for sport, may Allah, the Merciful, curse them eternally. And also the pig Americans, um, do many countless other equally evil things. Hospitals! They bomb hospitals! Baby hospitals, with crippled babies! And what else. Uh, many many evil things, Helmut my good friend. Trust me. Americans are all bad.” Clearly there can be no doubting such powerful testimony. The truth of it fairly screams at us.

As has widely been reported by we of the Media, this air assault on Sumatra is the most massive bombing campaign since Hiroshima and Nagasaki, in which over a million American Aircrafts dropped ten billion sixty-three million killotowns of atomic nuclear bomb devices, killing over ninty-seven million innocent Japanese babies, or maybe it was Chinese babies, I forget, but it doesn't matter, because the meta-truth here is that everything America does is wrong.

More lives have been destroyed by the so-called United States in the past week, in the senseless and unprovoked attack on innocent Samoa, than died in all the wars fought in the last century. In point of fact, over one hundred billion pregnant Iraqi women in Santa Monica have been murdered in this illegal war so far ... oh, no, I mean just in this latest American atrocity ... in fact, just today. CNN reports that Gorge Butch himself personally flew an F3Q$&6-)34#S Airplane Fighter JetCraft – manufactured by Halliburton - strafing schoolyards and dropping many billion cartloads of AIDS infected ordinances. But AIDS is not restricted to the gay population, you know, which is genetic - being gay, I mean. We're born that way. And God doesn't make mistakes. By which I mean the Goddess.

When interviewed by we of the Media, Butch stuttered like a monkey for a while, then he smirked and made up some words. Then he stared into space for seven minutes. What an idiot. How those of us on the Left are so intelligent for hating him so much. And did you notice how much he looks like a chimp?

The secret fascist military draft which is forcing so-called American youths, primarily persons of colour, in the secret genocidal conspiracy conducted by WASPs and other fascist racists, into the so-called American fascist war machine to kill all Moslems, because America is so racist and evil, and will soon be destroyed by the filth of its own corporational corruption, and your humble reporter, for one, can’t wait, although anyone who calls me unpatriotic is a fascist homophobe ... um, what was I saying? I seem to have lost my train of thought, transported as I am by my fervour and passionate love of truth. I'm very enlightened and rational and honest, unlike those stupid right-wingers. Buck-tooth Abners.

Of course, dear reader, as every intelligent person knows, there is only one point that we of the Media feel it important to make, and that’s about how bad America is, as is self-evident to all Progressive and enlightened thinkers, like me. If only we were France. France doesn’t have any problems at all. They’re so smart and beautiful. I wish I was French. Maybe I’ll learn French. That would prove I’m smart. Much smarter than a Christian. They’re all so dumb. How I hate them. And Butch. America stinks.

And so, dear reader, Your Humble Reporter trusts that the clarity and reason of the evidence herein presented is the final nail in the coffin of imperialist capitalist so-called America, which is all about invading innocent countries and killing babies, and doing other bad things too. Everything that’s bad. Just think America. I know I do.

Move On!

Helmut Crisp

PS – the XYZ Affair ... that was about how bad Republicans are, non?