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Friday, May 19, 2006

The Da Vinci Code

Da Vinci! Leonardo Da Vinci! Oh yes, that Day Vinsi was really the bomb. I just love Du Venchy. Wha'? Huh? Oh, is it DaviNci? Or dAVinci? Huh? Oh! Lookit! It's - it's an anagram!!! For Avid, Inc! Aha! - a corporate conspiracy!! And of Diva, Inc!!!! and Vida, Inc! Ha!!!! The Trilateral cOmmmisSSiooon must be involved!!!! Oh!! Look!! More bigger annnagramms!!!! Secret coded massages!

"Leonardo DavINCi": An ID lover on acid! A livid Onan coder! A radical non-Ovid! An oil-rancid dove! A nod on larvicide! I? - a craven odd lion?! Nonracial, voided! Ordinal voidance! Old Irvin, a deacon!? - in Lord-avoidance! Endocardial vino!? Ice or an odd anvil! Indican overload! Naive old Dr. No (CIA!)!

Ha! Aha! See?!? Hahaha!!! It all makes so much sense now. I see it so clearly!@!

Ah! "The DAvINci cODe"!!! An odd vice-ethic! Oh, even didactic! Havoc-inticed id! Devine cod, ha (etc.)! Vindicated echo! Hidden coactive! Devoid? Chance it! Invited, coached! Cathodic endive! Did a Cohen evict?! Convict Eddie? Ha! It vaccine - he odd! Accident dive, ho! Addictive Enoch! Ditch acne video! Detach'd invoice!

What guiding intelligence could have framed such an arabesque, such tessellated complexity?? Don't you see? Can't you see it?!

"Daniel Brown"! Win, boner-lad! A blinder, now! Adlib reknown! Noble Darwin! New Bond liar! Low - an inbred! Low-end brain! Indrawn lobe! Innard bowel! I, a blown nerd! Winnable rod! A dinner bowl! Worn bean-lid! Bow, inlander! Bonnie drawl! No new bridal! Darn bowline! Dali, newborn! Walden robin! En-bird an owl! Boil wren DNA! No warble - din! Do Berlin? Naw! Bold new Iran! Bin Laden row! Nile war bond! Radon blew in! Learn now - bid! Win - be Ronald!

The heavens are rent! The stars are wormwood holes in the crystaline empyrium through which I crouching dare to peak and glimpse a nonce of what secrets shower upon my reeling mind and yes! I see! I see!

"United States of America" - Outrace defeatism, saint! Fate made resuscitation! Creation defeats autism! Cautioners mediate fast! A nut defames atrocities! I, Centaur, meditate sofas! Fame's dantier outcaste! Catatonia defies muster! Tenacious fatted armies / tame sectarianised tofu! Suitcase-attired foeman! Stout cafeteria maidens / imitate deaf courtesans! A factitious semen trade! Samaritan foetus deceit! Deft titmouse-caesarian! Meditate erotica snafus! Softie radiances mutate / castrated minutiae foes! Academia's fourteen tits / traumatise defecations!

Beautiful. It's so beautiful!

"Conspiracy"! Spicy acorn! Prosaic NYC! Cyanic pros! Crionic sap! Orca-Spy, Inc.!

Yesss! Yesssssss!

ahem

Did I say that out loud? Sometimes the voices in my head come out of my mouth.

But the man's name is not Da Vinci. Never was. You can get away with it in the title. But in the text, it shoulda been da Vinci. Little d. I'm sure it can't possibly reflect on Mr. Brown's scholarship, though. And I'm like totally sure that all the rest of it is right. Mr. Christ knocked up Ms. Magdalene, y'see, and then got bumped off, and Peter for some reason just decided to totally lie about all the stuff that Jaycee really taught. I guess cuz Peter knew the dude was really, like, wrong, or something.

Makes sense to me.

What was that!? Didn't you hear it? Those voices. They won't shut the hell up.

"Those voices!" Soviet's echo! Vices soothe! Cohesive sot!

"Osama bin Laden!" A damn alien SOB! Anal demon-bias! No alias: bad men! Bad as Mao, Lenin! Be a sand oilman! A Lebanon Midas! Banned Somalia?! I am also banned! On NAMBLA ideas! A lesbian nomad! A blade onanism! ...'n' boned a salami! Old semi banana! End labia moans! Madonna is a lib! A bad Neal Simon! An insane, bald Mo! Blade manias? NO!!! Animals on a bed! No asian bedlam! Nine bad Alamos! A doable sin, man! Sad, mean albino! Islamabad neon! A base mandoline! Inland amoebas! Abandon a smile! Ban'd anomalies! A snail abdomen!

"Fawlty Towers!" Frowsy wattle! Waterfowl sty! Ow - flyswatter! Felt way worst! Wow, Lefty Tsar! Two warty elfs! Satyr wetflow! Flowery twats!

Yessss!



J

1 comment:

Jack H said...

I know - it's too much. But when you find a good one, it's worth it. Tee hee.


J