Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Scar Tissue

If a wounded body part is not exercised as it heals, the scar tissue that binds it grows in as a chaotic and immobile mass. If that part is used to the fullest range of its potential while it heals, the scar will take on an organized and flexible character -- much stronger, and more integrated into the overall healthy functioning of the body.

I’ve been bleeding all day, today. Tore open an old wound and just can’t get it to stop leaking. What was I thinking? It was covered over with a scabrous and gnarled plug. Seems it never healed properly. Like Lancelot and his wound that would not heal. Underneath, in the fresh or newly uncovered lesion I found a festering necrosis, creeping with worms like a battlefield amputation. The stench was overpowering. Did I think I could be whole again by digging deeper into the flesh? How deep does the poison run? Shall I hope that the sphacelic tissue might regenerate?

What does hope cost.

Who has ever been harmed by hoping?

Isn’t hope a good thing?

If I should fade in the night, grow too weak to move, sink into numbness, fall unconsciousness and pass from this world with a last unheard exhalation, remember me, if you do, as a man with a sense of humor. All the rest of it can be buried and forgotten with my body. Think of it as scar tissue.

I process a fair part of my emotion through writing. Maybe you’ve noticed? My internal life is far richer than my social life. So have I arranged it. It’s not healthy or satisfying, but I do get some interesting writing done.



Anonymous said...

What shall we do with the melodramatics?

Jack H said...

The artist is always prey to the incomprehensiion of the vulgar masses.