Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Some Cartoons

Because I have no pictographic skills whatsoever, I will have to describe my cartoons. Okay. The first one is of the Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, buried under a huge splattering of monkey feces. The monkeys are on a branch above, using his turban for toilet tissue. And the caption reads, “This is justice? ” Its satirical intent is too obvious to go into.

The second one shows some homosexual, maybe John Edwards – he’s wearing a teeshirt that says “I’m a gay” and an “Edwards ’08” campaign button – Walter Cronkite is feeding him into a meat grinder, the crank of which is turned by Hillary. bill clinton is standing behind her, eating a banana. And the caption reads, “Meow!”

The next one is of W. It shows him masturbating to a map of Iraq. He's using blood as a lubricant, from a bucket marked "GI blood". You have to think about this one. It’s subtle. Oh, and he has horns, which are phallus-shaped. Get it?

The next one is of Jesus on the cross. And he’s saying, “John, I can see your house from here.” That’s an old one, I know, but the kicker is that then St. John says, “What, you have eyes in the back of your head?” And there's an Indian with a tear rolling down his cheek.

And this one shows the Pope and the Ayatollah eating babies off a heaping platter. The caption is too obscene for me to reproduce here. But it's a dilly, believe me. I'll just give a hint-- ... no, better not. But I expect to win the Pulitzer for this one. They'll get it.

This one is of a gigantic rat with a big hook Jew nose, labeled "Halliburton", and it's sucking on the udder of a cow in space, labeled "Earth". And the moon is saying, "Who moved the cheese?" And the moon has a little crooked sign on it that says, "Groucho Marxism" and another one that says, "What about the dark side?"

Here's one that shows the Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, being sodomized by a rhinoceros. And they're in a cesspool. It really doesn't have a political or satirical point. It's just funny. Oh, and sitting on a cloud above is Allah, masturbating.

My masturpiece is the word WHY crafted from the names of every US soldier slain in Bush's Iraq war. Some idiot father requested that I not include the name of his son in my brilliant and satirical cartoon, but I ignored him. Fucking cool-aid drinker. How dare he try to censor me. Fucking redneck baby killer.

The point in all this, of course, is to demonstrate how unbiased and even-handed I am. And how bold and how brave. And how ideas can be challenging without being dangerous. And that irreverence is harmless. And that there's no such thing as real offensiveness -- it's all in the imagination. I'm very happy with my ironic and insightful cartoons. I’ve gotten all kinds of offers. I’ve been invited to Iran to give a seminar. When I told this to my mother, she told me not to go. I didn’t really understand her point. Stupid sow. I think it would be cool. I love exotic places.


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