Friday, September 14, 2007

An Announcement

The Board of Directors of the Forgotten Prophets Soulful WebLog and Rightwing Religious Bigot Antidefamation Political Action Corps Internet Cyber-WebSite has declared September to be National American Homeland Patriotic Stars-n-Stripes Observance Month and Moslem Terrorist Commemoration Day of the United States of America, Territories & Protectorates. In consonance with the spirit of this new national holiday, we will be producing a number of gala events to commemorate the festivities, many of which will take place in the Holy City of New York.

Appropriate methods of observing this new holy month will include a forty day period of binging and purging, a five-times daily call to beer-chugging, and of course a number of "spontaneous" street fairs which will include such gay pranks as burning down mosques, stoning anyone wearing turbans or veils, invading embassies and executing hostages, and of course arranging colorful pyrotechnical displays starting within but quickly consuming the political and financial buildings of Islam. Oh, it will be grand.

Announcements of the celebrations will be published in the New York Times, the text juxtaposed to satirical cartoons poking mild fun at our Wahhabist friends. The first, as previously reported, will be "of the Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, buried under a huge splattering of monkey feces. The monkeys are on a branch above, using his turban for toilet tissue. And the caption reads, 'This is justice?' Its satirical intent is too obvious to go into." Another will show "the Prophet Mohammad, PBUH, being sodomized by a rhinoceros in a cesspool. It really doesn't have a political or satirical point. It's just funny. Oh, and sitting on a cloud above is Allah, masturbating." We anticipate quite a bit of buzz over these little japes.

Now, some might suppose such free-wheeling irreverence could give rise to bad-feeling. We here at FPSWLRRBAPACICWS are sensitive to such concerns, and have taken an in-house poll to determine that nothing we present is in the least way offensive to any of our foreign interloper friends. Our survey results fail to indicate anything that would give us cause to suspect that we have deviated from our usual steady course of flawless taste and impeccable decorum.

Thus, when our celebrity spokesmodel Jack H says that "Islam is the religion of lies" and that "Mohammad is a false prophet" and that "Allah is Satan" -- well, we have determined that it is not reasonable to suppose this is truly offensive. After all, in a religion where everything is offensive, nothing is offensive. It's simple logic. Words have definitions, and definitions by their nature create limits. If there is no limit, there is no definition, and the word becomes meaningless. Ergo, nothing is offensive to Moslems. We here at FPSWLRRBAPACICWS are quite pleased that the logico-grammarians of our Rhetoric, Sophistry & Propaganda Research and Development Dept. have discovered this precept, and we will be incorporating the principle in our bylaws at our next bi-annual shareholders' meeting.

Finally, in keeping with the spirit of the times, we will be republishing over the next few weeks certain articles which have been deemed relevant to the theme of the holidays. We trust that the quality of our work meets with the continuing approval of our readership, and we welcome any feedback. It is our fond wish that National American Homeland Patriotic Stars-n-Stripes Observance Month and Moslem Terrorist Commemoration Day of the United States of America, Territories & Protectorates will become a treasured favorite for young and old alike. A good time will be had by all.



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