Monday, December 31, 2007

Curing the Gay Virus

If you're wondering why I've been silent these past few days, it's that I've had a virus. Not me, my computer. I was downloading some gay porn the way I like to do all the time, and a little box came up that told me my computer was in danger unless I clicked on it, and it wouldn't go away until I did, so I did. And then an icon appeared on my desktop, and I wondered what it was, so I clicked it. And then something asked to be installed, so I installed it. And then a big yellow bookkeepper ... I mean balloon kept appearing and clacking and beeping, and every time I clicked it I was taken to a religious site that tried to convince me about how wrong it is to masturbate all the time the way I do to gay porn about chubs -- that's the big men -- and bears -- all covered with sexy hair. I call them chubears. Sounds like a late '50s rhythm and blues group. Laddies and gentlemen, the RamRod is proud to present the golden stylings of the Chubears! So? What's up with that? Everyone has nose hairs, so don't go pointing your snotty fingers at me. It's just not right, is all. I'm forty ei... I'm thirt... I'm twenty nine years old, for crying out loud. I'm old enough to celebrate my own choices.

From now on, I'm going to write "W" as "UU". It's a Neuu Year's resolution. In fact, I'm going to uurite entirely phonetically starting ... nahuu.

Soh eneeuuayee, Ahee fauund aee fiks fohr thuh vahyeeruhs. Heer'z wuht euu duu. Kahpee thuh adres fruhm thuh relidzhuhs gayee-bashing sahyt or uuuhtevr, end payst it intuu guuguhl. Suhmbuhdee haz had thuh prahbluhm bfor, end haz postuhd aee fiks. It ohnlee took mee tuu dayeez tuu tayeek cayr uv it. Fantastik.



akfox said...

Before reading the body of this post I thought from the title that you were going to talk about HIV/AIDS treatments.

Jack H said...

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