Sunday, December 16, 2007

Great Day

December 16, 2005. One of the most important dates in history. This fact has yet to be entirely realized, but I fully expect it to supplant Christmas in terms of holidayitory importance. What, it doesn't leap immediately to the forefront of your peabrain? How I pity you. But perhaps you're one of the unhappy few who are not yet daily acolytes of the Forgotten Prophets of Jack H? An oversight you will shortly remedy.

It's my anniversary, dude! Forgotten Prophets! Two years! What did you get me? Is it in the mail? Cuz I haven't gotten it yet. What's up with that? Here I am, every day giving you a treasure of wisdom, showering you with pearls and rubies of wisdom and shit, and you're too busy cupping your buttocks to shoot me a little sugar? You can stop palpitating yourself, dude -- them lumps isn't breast cancer. And that's not a breast.

By one of those one in a gazillion coincidences, it was also exactly one year ago that I was awarded the rare, virtually unique honor of becoming a BJJ blue belt. I'm like almost the only one. It's the best thing to be. There was a great deal of discussion behind closed doors, down at the Supreme Council of Jiu Jitsu Elders in Brazil, about renaming it the Jack Belt. They sent me an emissary requesting permission to do that, but I declined. I'm very modest. I pointed out that when I become a purple belt, any moment now, they'd just have to change the name again. Eventually they will be calling the black belt the Jack belt. Nothing I can do about that -- it's inevitable -- inexorable, even. So they settled for erecting a monument to me. Perhaps you've seen it? In New York Harbor? They didn't get the face quite right, but it's the thought that counts.

So now I have to wonder, what astounding thing is going to happen today? It is impossible to believe that this cosmic date will pass unremarkably. Will Jesus return? Will UFOs land? Will I discover the secret of unaided human flight? None of it can seem unlikely. This is a fabulous day, filled with portent and wonders, and all things are possible.



G.W.C. said...

Well, due to a serious computer issue (namely a total electronic meltdown) I've been offline for a while. So, while this may be a little late: Happy Anniversary Jack. :P

Jack H said...

So you've never heard of FTD? I'm soooo glad I'm not your girlfriend.


G.W.C. said...

I've heard that before, though, they usually say, "I'm soooo glad I'm not your girlfriend anymore." That of course is accompanied by a diatribe about "caring more about my guns than I do them" and "if you spent more time with me and less at the shooting range" (am I the only one that thinks she should have gone to the shooting range with me?). So, yeah, there's probably a reason I'm almost 30 and never been married. But hey, I'll live, and she got fat.

As for flowers, well, I only give flowers to those who put out, sorry, but your not really my type Jack. Don't take it personally, it's not you, it's that Y chromasone of yours.