Thursday, December 27, 2007

My Crime Novel (excerpt!)

From "My Gun Is Hard!", by Jack Hammer: from Chapter 23: "The Interrogationroom!"

The room was really big. It had alot of furniture and stuff in it. The big room had a man in it.

“Look!” I said. “I have a gun and you will tell me where the girl is!” I said with my gun.

“No I won’t!” he said.

“Yes!” I said.

"No!" he said.

"Yes you will!" I said.

"No! Never! Mendosa the drug boss will kill me if I do!" he said. He was bald, and very fat. "You damn ugly jerk!"

“You ugly bald fat pig!” I said, “Now you are going to regret that!” And I beat him up. And then he was panting and begging me to stop.

“Stop, I quit, your beating me up and I will tell you what you want to know!” he said.

“Then tell me then, stupid!” I said.

“What do you want to know?” he said.

“Where is the girl that I want to find?” I said.

“Oh, yes, you asked me that before,” he said.

“Yes I did,” I said.

“The girl is in the...” he said. But then he died! There was a gun shot, and he died. There was a bullet hole in the middle of his bald head! There was a smoke trail of blue smoke that was coming out of the round bullet hole! It was so bloody and really exiting!

I spun around on my catlike feet!

"Damn you, Mendoza!" I said. I fell to my knees and raised my fists dramatically to the heavens and shook them! "Noo!" I said. Running after the masked gunman that was running away, I sped quickly through the big room with all that furniture in it. There were scary shadows on the walls. A black cat was sitting on a table. Not a plastic one, a real one. The big clock that was on the walls ticked ominously! It was a priceless King Lois the Sixteenth antique.

"Ha ha ha!" he laughed over his shoulder as he ran away. "Now you will never find her! Never! Ha ha ha!"

I was so angry. My feelings were like a roaring ocean of raging blowing stormy fast wind. It was dramatic! I ran through the big room some more, that had stuffed animals, like bears and lions in it. The shadow on the wall was scary. I fired my gun at the fleeing figure of Mendosas' back, that shot back at me. Hot gobs of lead flew everywhere. The priceless antique clock that was ticking ominously on the walls was shot and ruined! Then as I ran I jumped over a table like a gazelle! Then I got to the door that was shut and locked now. Mendoza the masked gun man had shut the door, and locked it from the other side.

"Damn you, Mandoza!" I said. I did not know yet that Mendoza was really the girl! The one I was looking for! I would not learn that until the end of this book!

But then I shot at the door with my gun that I had pulled out from my coat and shot the door open! And I ran through the door.

A car was racing at me in the dark with its head lights blazing like bright suns or moons at me! I jumped heroically over the car hood as it raced under me so fast, like a rocket! I landed on my catlike feet and fired my gun at the blazing red tail lights that raced away from me in the dark down the dark road!

"Mandosa!" I said. "Damn you!" I was so angry because he (but its really a girl) had shot that guy in the head and I thought that I would never find that girl that I was looking for (that was really Mendoza the crime boss, which is her middle name, like with a hyphen the way they do sometimes, like its the last name of the mother).

And then I skulked back into the big room. But one of the giant stuffed animals was really a real animal, and it roared and ran at me. I shot it with my gun. Because earlier I had reloaded outside, after the death car had raced at me with its bright lights that I jumped over. It fell down at my feet, dead, letting out a mighty death roar when it died!

"That was scary," I said to myself, and chuckled bravely. "He certainly was over bearing!" Because it was a giant bear. "I wonder what other exciting things are just about to happen?" Little did I know!

The End (of the chapter).



T.J. Carson said...

Haha. Made me laugh. It's very crudely written and edgy. I like it.

I love how he is chasing the guy and comments that the black cat isn't plastic and that he has time to recognize the clock as an antique.

I notice that you posted this in 2007. Did you get anywhere, by means of publishing this story?

Jack H said...

No, this is just a silly little thing done for the fun of it. It's as awful as I could make it.