Saturday, March 8, 2008

Drive Time

It's important to not make decisions in an emotional state. I do have a bit of conflict, frustration and loyalty, but it has to be rationality that decides the issue. I'm not getting enough of a workout from bjj. Not enough intensity. There are only a very few guys who challenge me, and they're not there enough. I end up sitting and waiting too much. I could do some other sort of exercise I suppose, maybe pushups? -- but that's not why I'm there.

My son rolls at another place, 20 or 30 minutes further down the line, through bad traffic. I hate the idea of the drive. Just a waste, and inefficient. But I will be training there next month. He trained where I roll, for a couple of weeks -- then he had to leave on some business. He noticed the more casual atmosphere, which I like, but not at the expense of training.

There it is. N tells me that everyone rolls with everyone where he trains. I like that, a lot. He says it is much more intense. I like that. Also more regimented, with structured water breaks and limited rests. Don't care for that much. I know when I need water. I don't need external motivations. But you take the bad with the good. The chance to roll on a regular basis with a black belt would be valuable. I virtually never roll with our black belt. That's a deficit.

I suppose I'd have to say that in terms of bjj alone, a change is due. I'm the guy who never leaves his post, though. It's not a question of loyalty. I'm just trying to make it that way. It's a business relationship. That's all.

I have been there three years now, three full years. I'm still remote. You'd have to look close to figure out that I cared about anyone there. It bothers me. Leaving. Because even if I come back after a month of too much driving, it's just more misplaced loyalty from me. It's not intense enough, the training. Too much sitting. I'm not there to sit.

And I'm sure there are some people who'd be glad to see the last of me.


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