Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dead Horses

K --

It is my natural inclination to just walk away, from dead horses. The stink, you know. But that’s what you did, and I see it in you as profoundly disrespectful, and cowardly, and so at last I cannot do the same.

I won’t rehearse your complaint. I barely understand it. My blog was negative, presumably about you, or R, or the studio, or something else. I offer no defense, save that you cannot have understood what you read, if you read anything. Your lack of understanding is excusable. Tone can be hard to hear. My issue is your response. You cut my throat. It wasn’t a stab in the back, since you did come out on the phone and tell me your intention. But it was a surprise attack. That R didn’t understand it is excusable. He wasn’t around me enough, perhaps. You are without excuse. And the conduct of both of you is shameful.

After associating with me for three years, you felt it was appropriate to summarily cut me out. This tells me that I was already disliked. You would have asked for clarification, from someone you liked. You would have defended me to those who didn’t understand my meaning, even if you yourself didn't understand it. So be it. You don’t like me. It’s not uncommon. What leaves me aghast is how clueless I was to it. I am certainly clueless. I just thought that I had earned something. Clearly not. I had thought, truly, that I made positive contributions to the academy, sufficient even to buy me the courtesy of a request for an explanation. I still think I did, which is why I use the word cowardly. Your action lacks integrity. I have not merited the contempt you have shown.

At some time in the future I will be stopping by to pick up my medals. Perhaps it might even be possible then for me to say goodbye to some of my friends. At that time I will leave the key with which I was entrusted. This, unless some other mutually agreeable plan is preferred by you. I will be posting this letter on my blog.

I expect that you will forward this to R. I wish you would; I do not have a direct email address. If you do, this:

R --

I am profoundly saddened by your action. I took you for a better man. You cannot have understood the violence this has done to my soul. For the distress I unwittingly caused you, I apologize. I don’t understand it, but perhaps my lack of social grace accounts for this. I have never meant you any disrespect. The disrespect you hold for me is clear. I see this as a reflection on your character. I deserve respect, for all my flaws; I believe my qualities are clear, and you are diminished for not seeing them.

If you find any of this insulting, I will be pleased to discuss it in person, along with my blog or my estimation of your actions. I have no interest in an argument. I trust that you don’t either. I expect however that this will be the last word on the matter. Dead horses.

I will leave it with this: excluding the shoddy way I have been handled, I have seen you as a decent man. It grieves me deeply that you chose to end our association as you did. It forces me to rethink my opinion of you. Sir, I deserved better.

With Regards,


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