The 1899 Horsey Horseless. Because, you know, you don't wanna scare the horses.
The 1911 Overland OctoAuto. When a QuadroAuto just isn't up to the job.
The 1913 Scripps-Booth Bi-Autogo. A 3,200 pound motorcycle with training wheels. Yeah.
The 1933 Fuller Dymaxion. Buckminster Fuller's brainchild. It started out as a plane.
The Renault Dauphine. It took 32 seconds to get to 60 mph. If it got there at all.
The Zunndapp Janus. Top speed of 50 mph: "Its unique feature was the rear-facing bench seat, which meant passengers could watch in horror as traffic threatened to rear-end this rolling roadblock of a car."
The Amphicar. "...the world's most aerodynamic anchor."
The Peel Trident. "...designed and built on the Isle of Man in the 1960s for reasons as yet undetermined, kind of like Stonehenge." I used to have a corn popper that looked like that.
The Chrysler Imperial LeBaron. My, it's so, so imperial! I used to see these all the time on The Rockford Files, teeter-tottering to a stop in front of donut shops.
The Trabant. The 1975 Trabant, mind you. Before there were Yugos. A two-stroke engine. 18 horsepower. Made of plastic and recycled plant fibers. Fred Flintstone brakes. It didn't come from a country. It came from a bloc. Like cheese.
The Chevy Chevette. This is the only one that wasn't brown. The manifold went out on mine somewhere in Nebraska. Sounded like Beirut.
The Yugo. Nowhere. Yeah, I owned one. So? Carpet came standard.
The Plymouth Prowler. Too cool. Too bad, it only looked that way. It was just another off-the-rack car. What a waste. Like my genius.
The Pontiac Aztek. "This car could not have been more instantly hated if it had a Swastika tattoo on its forehead. ...With its multiple eyes and supernumerary nostrils, the Aztek looks deformed and scary, something that dogs bark at and cathedrals employ to ring bells..."
Hummer. The name is slang for a sexual act. I know this because I looked it up on the internet. Since men who drive this vehicle have no penises, it's the only hummer they'll be getting.
Which brings us to...
...THE WORST CAR EVER:
Any SUV. In this case, the Excursion. The Ford Valdez. Nearly 20 feet long, six and a half feet tall, 7000 pounds. 10 miles per gallon. Osama loves it.
Thanks for the five dollar gas. Retard.