Saturday, August 9, 2008

99% Honest

That Edwards thing. Usually I would not deign to notice it. Another pig pushing itself to where the slop is thickest. Big surprise. He disputes however the idea that it is he who sired the child. A "love" child? Sure, why not. Bastard makes it sound like the infant is at fault. We'll just ignore the fact that 'love" can have had little to do with it. Love, after all, makes sacrifices. Embrace such euphemisms, if they advance the discussion. So Edwards' hot chick squeeze was sleeping with multiple partners. So? This is a surprise? Dude, it's the Nineties.

And Edwards lied about sex? Aren't we over that yet? Why should anyone have to lie about sex? Didn't the clinton golden age teach us anything? A purely personal matter, as one's penis must be, and no question about it can be legitimate, so no answer can be illegitimate. We no longer recognize the concept of bastard -- weren't you paying attention? Anyways, I lie about sex all the time. Just ask any of my dozens of hot babe girlfriends. They love that about me. Me and my gigantic insatiable penis. Mmmm.

Of course no reputable media outlet reported on the story. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course. Of course.

Oh, did you expect a more detailed analysis?

Edwards' wife, who has a form of incurable cancer, is standing by her putative husband. I don't feel it is appropriate to be sarcastic with her. She is betrayed, and faithful. There are many ways that this is honorable. Friday she released a statement expressing her dismay that the story should be thought newsworthy. She was blameful toward that minuscule ort of the media that covered the story. Well, we cannot expect her to be objective.

And it must have been hard for Edwards to be married to a sick woman. A man has needs. Yes, that is a very low blow. Sue me, the anonymous Jack H, hiding behind my internet cowardice with nary a reputation to defend myself.

But the only reason I bother here with this sordid nothing, this peering down the outhouse hole, is that delectable phrase. Edwards "said in his statement Friday he had 'used the fact that the story contained many falsities to deny it,' and he called that 'being 99 percent honest.'" I could plotz.

"It's completely untrue, ridiculous," sputtered Edwards in October. "I've been in love with the same woman for 30-plus years and, as anybody who's been around us knows, she's an extraordinary human being, warm, loving, beautiful, sexy and as good a person as I have ever known. So the story's just false." "Completely untrue" equals "many falsities" equals "99 percent honest." Would you like some ice cream with your shit, sir?

There are political hostilities we might feel, whereby the fall of the heroes of our adversaries gives us pleasure. Nixon comes to mind, and that jubilant conclave of liberals who celebrated his disgrace. We would not be that way. But Edwards rose to a prominence far exceeding his capacity. He's a slip and fall lawyer, whose sole political victory was to win a senatorial election. A light weight, held down by hairspray. Not significant enough to merit any passion. Perhaps he sensed that, and manufactured the only passion he could. But isn't it odd, that only two Democrat presidents since Grover Cleavland seem not to have cheated on their wives: Truman and Carter.

Ah well. Ninety nine percent honest. So that's what the meaning of is is.


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