Monday, December 15, 2008

Head to Toe

The news is full of flung shoes and mind-bendingly corrupt Midwest pols. What's to say about a reporter, a reporter mind you, who flings not one but two, count 'em two shoes at the leader of the free world? Let us not be misdirected by what the reporter, no, the journalist ejaculated as he hurled first one then the other of his pedal accoutrement. "A farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, dog!" Although this was uttered in Arabic or some other gutter ... no, a slip of the finger ... guttural language ... I mean that would be totally racist, to say gutter. How insensitive and bigoted. Like making fun a a blind NY governor or something, implying he's inept because he's disabled -- but where was I. Oy hes ... oh yes, the ejaculating journalist, I say, need not be Iraqi or Arab at all. Given that the technically American free press has been throwing shoes at Bush for eight years, we'll need better evidence than this. In any case, freaky stories are what reporting is about, so this is the sort of story the news has been dominated by. It's not like there's anything important going on.

Then there's Blagojevich. Famously corrupt Blago. Who I'm told is obsessed with his lovely full virile head of virile hair. In Chicago they call him Blowdryevich. He screams at aids who fail to bring him his hairbrush in an instantaneously prompt manner. In honor of this, I offer up the following. Perspective, after all, is everything. La!

Music speaks louder than words, or from the mouths of vegetables, or some such idiom. Be edified. Yep, so that's what the news has become. From head to toe, hairbrush to shoes, the body politic is covered. All we need is a sex scandal now. We've already got the vegetables ... and I don't mean the disabled guy -- that would be so insensitive. Can't wait. The body politic uncovered. Heh heh. Get it? UNcovered -- like naked! Tee hee. I'm so up for it, yeah! Or is that ejaculation premature? Oh I can't stop myself! Self-control? What's that? Some Iraqi idiom? I hurl a shoe at it. guhgnnnughaaahh


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