Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I have anger issues. I'm not abusive, not a shouter, but I don't deal with stress well, anymore. I used to be pretty good. I find that it has to do with belonging, with a sense of security. I have no real sense of belonging, and I have no security. So it's raw. I can't tell myself, the way you can, yes, this is stressful, but I have a beautiful wife. I can't say this is a large unexpected expense, but I have job security. You think these things don't matter? They define our place in the world.

Now, when I drop a pen I say goddammit. That is so low. What does God have to do my dropping a pen? I never used to be that way. But it's made me aware of how fragile life is. It's arbitrary. The reflected sun flashes in your eyes and you hit two pedestrians with your car. You think it doesn't happen? Driving is the most dangerous thing you do. Your kids could end up orphans.

Sorry to be so negative, so much of the time. A lot of it is guilt. Unfulfilled duties. I must be hard to be around. I have no wisdom. I have only words.

Just kidding. Had you going there, didn't I. I like manipulating you. It makes me feel powerful. Almost all of this blog is like that. I don't believe any of it. It's just something to amuse myself with. Playing these characters. My real name is Hank. Not very impressive sounding, but so what. I do marketing for a computer software company. We make systems check programs for large-scale industrial use. I'm married, have a lovely little daughter named Prissy -- I call her Pricey, as a joke -- and I live in Ohio. Uh, what else. Oh, most of the "religious" writings I post here are taken from a book of essays my rabbi published, collected from the yeshiva's comparative religions class. The political articles are composed by an automatic writing program developed by my company, that scans rightwing websites and randomly assembles sentences and paragraphs. Then I run it through a style-syntax reviewer to click out any bugs. Anything else? Can't think of it. Oh, the exercise thing. It's mostly Babelfish translations of Russian physiology manuals.

Hope that clears things up. I'll be dropping back into the JH persona now, but I thought it would be a hoot to let you peek behind the curtain.


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