Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Photo Album

Here's the house I grew up in, on Holly Drive up by the Hollywood reservoir. My father still lives there.

A lot of stairs.

This is my old psycho girl friend Gwen. I am so over her. Some wisenheimers say she's a man, but that's just ignorant. Can't they recognized a vagina when they see one?

She totally cut up my comic book collection from the 70s with pinking sheers. I had a Komandi first edition. Skank.

This is my dog Yoda. He cost $1700.

That's Gwen holding him. Before she got totally fat. She said it was a glandular problem. Yeah, if a spoon is a gland. Dumb broad was always eating my rocky road ice cream. Where can you hide ice cream.

Here's Ursula, my latest girlfriend. Got a booty call from her last night.

Babe is HOT! But I am all man, and she can't keep up with me. Yeah, that's right, you better believe it. All mine, she's all for me, and you can just sit facing the corner with your hands in your lap if you get what I mean. Cuz she's too much woman for an epicene little babbit like you to even dream about. Those are childbearing hips, pal. I'm thinking of starting a race of supermen.

This is my workout buddy. He's something big in the entertainment industry -- I don't want to drop any names, but you have definitely heard of him.

Here's me. Pretty good for nearly 50, huh? Thank you. I'm a bit unsatisfied with my right latissimus dorsi, it seems a little puny compared to the left, but it may be the lighting. It feels symmetrical, what I can reach of it.

Hey! -- I'm up here! Eyes up, buster. Gawd. A little privacy? You have to stare? I wear these trunks so you don't have to stare. And I don't shave my armpits. It's just that my thick lustrous blond hair doesn't photograph all that well -- it comes out pink, which is the best color to be.

I have many such interesting photos of myself and my life. If you would like to see more, on my private subscription website, email me and I will send you an application form. Believe you me, you will not be sorry.


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