Monday, June 29, 2009


A pulled muscle is a torn muscle. I knew that, but I looked it up again to make sure. I must have done some real damage, because it's been five days now, and it still twinges. Spasmed pretty bad for three days. Same thing happened when I first started bjj -- had to take four separate weeks off during the first two months. Four different back muscles. Usually these things are done after five days. Now I'm irritated and impatient. But I'm being sensible. Very hard.

Usually I "warm up" just to lubricate the joints, work out the creaks and stiffness. I think now I'm going to have to stretch not just legs and lower back, but upper too. Not sure how to do that, but it's the cost of age. I was going to start muay thai on Friday -- they have that class, and mma. I've never been hit as an adult. Don't want to hit anyone. But it's the most effective striking form, and we can't limit ourselves, eh? I've got some of the equipment now, shin guards and those mma gloves. I used to be very fast. And I was flexible. Now I'm just long. But I don't have to be good -- just good enough. And I realized something of the limits of holding the guard, when someone can hit you. Doesn't seem like such a good idea, outside of a sport-with-rules situation. Gotta mix it up.

I was looking forward to some extra time for bjj last week and this. Instead I just went ahead and collected some injuries. There's some worry in my knee now, my old knee problem from 30 years ago. It's made a big pop every morning since I was a teenager. Now it's a little bothersome again. But it's a bother only because it's a knee, if you get my meaning. It's really not anything serious. I'd ordered some hyaluronic acid for a family member. I'll take some myself for a while. Anyway, when I find out who's responsible for all this injury, man will I give him or her a piece of my mind.

Iran? That revolutionary government shut down the counter revolution by controlling the internet. They control the web, and collected the names of the tweeters and bloggers and IMers and chatters -- just a handful of actual leaders, hey, let's all meet at Righteous Martyr Mall -- and now there is no more vitality in the youth movement. Obama, meantime, was ever so cautious and statesmanlike and evenhanded, until afterwards. As for the ousting of the Honduran communist president, Obama, like his fellow-traveller opposite or same number in Venezuela, is very clear in his denunciation. The elected government must prevail, for every country that has a leftist or islamsist agenda, a nuclear weapons program and/or an anti-Jew policy.

Chavez the Toad of Venezuela has mobilized his army. When the Honduran army took over, as is their wont, they arrested the Cuban ambassador, and beat up the Venezuelan ambassador and left him alone on the road. That just struck me as funny. Some people need to be beaten up and left by the side of the road. But Chavez is right. It is an act of war to take over an embassy, and Chavez would be right. Odd, how monsters have such moral clarity. It's because they are unapologetic about pursuing their own legitimate and illegitimate interests. There is much to be learned from scorpions and venomous tree frogs.

It's the rule of three again, with celebrity deaths. Carradine, Jackson, Farrah, and Billy Mays. Yep, that's how it works. Maybe Carradine is too long ago now, or maybe Mays is not enough of a celeb. But they're dropping like flies, three flies. The rule of three usually allows four of five deaths. So someone else is doomed. Castro, hopefully, or some arab.

If you know any hot women who are smart and patient and encouraging, who like sex, and loyal, who like self-involved lanky blonds who are brilliant underachievers, let me know, eh? I'm a pretty decent guy once you get to know me. It really does take a while, a few years, for me to relax, but I'm sure I can do it. And she should have money, and maybe be a lawyer.

There was something else on my mind, but I can't think of it. I have decided to get over my lost boys. There has to be a difference between love and pain. There's a part of me that has thought that letting go is a sort of disloyalty. When I say it out loud, it's obviously wrong. But that's why we have these little conversations. So we can learn something about being human.

I will roll tomorrow whether or not it's sensible. I've forgotten the steps of an armbar from the guard. This disturbs me. Why do I do bjj? Not because it will get me anything. There is no future in it for me. I've just given it some thought. Usually I don't have to think -- I just know. I do it for my ego. I know that's why, or partly, because of how much I hate to lose. Not all pride is bad. There would be no excellence without pride.

There are several projects that I have not started. It's disgusting. I'm thinking this chronic discouragement has been tied to festering grief. What's the name of that device that gets the heart going again? Let me know if you think of it. Because all vertebrates need a heartbeat to live.


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