Flash!

This just in. It seems what's old is new again! A nearly-forgotten ethnic favorite is sweeping the country, and it looks like there's just no stopping it! Lefse! That's right, folks, you heard it -- lefse, that perennial favorite of toothless North Dakota Norwegian farmers, is capturing the hearts and tastebuds of Americans from sea to shining sea! Thanks to famous internet celebrity Jack H, of the massively popular Forgesitajn Profetojn Website, found here, this oldfashioned delectable is reaching new heights of much-deserved appreciation! Young and old alike are expressing their delight at all the potatoey goodness locked in and bursting out of that flat fabulous piece of floured ambrosia.

"Words cannot describe how much I just love this stuff," exclaims retired switchboard operator Selma Lipsynov of Great Neck, Florida. "Just like Meemoosh used to make, only flatter, and more goy. But good."

"My life was a living nightmare of agony and drug abuse and pornography addiction. I couldn't hold a job, and I had open sores on the soles of my feet," says Chuey Granola of Boyle Heights, Los Angeles. "Then I found Jack H and his lefse, and it was like falling in love with your mother, but in a good way, not anything sick. Now I eat it morning, noon and night, and all my problems are behind me now! I am so happy because of this."

After examining the available evidence, noted scientists from Caltech and USC concur that lefse is definitive proof that Norwegians, and by extension, Danes, are the only true humans, a conclusion validated by everyone who comes under the thrall of lefse's hypnotic power. President Obama has urged that the Constitution of the United States be set aside, and a dictatorship established and ruled by all lanky blue-eyed blonds who are exactly 6'4" born in Whittier California in the last week of August 1959 who are all that at bjj and run highly successful and brilliant blogs. Only one such candidate has been found, and he professes a touching but inappropriate modesty in saying that he needs to think about it.

But he can hear the worshipful crowds gathering outside his palatial home on the driveway paved with diamonds, and they are carrying banners and litters heaped with gold and jewels, inadequate offerings to his incipient divinity, and he laughs, laughs at how puny and pathetic they all are! Because it's too late, and no amount of lefse can undo the damage their ingratitude has done! And now they will all be so sorry, because Jack H is done with them, done I say, and too bad for them, with their trembling lips all sorry and mournful but I'll be laughing and they'll be crying because they did not appreciate me and no it's too late. And I'll just eat all the lefse for myself and no one else can have any, and they can starve to death for all I care, with their NASCAR and their Twilight movies with Jake Gyllenhaal.

So stay tuned for all the latest developments on the lefse front! Signing off, this is your humble correspondent,


J