Sunday, September 6, 2009

Optimally Hot

In nearly 4 years of this blog, I've never let so many days go by unattended. Yet you survived. This both pleases and disturbs me. I have made you strong. But I'm not essential? I find that hard to believe. It must be that you have merely survived. Yes. That seems most likely. Then I suppose I must apologize. You are used to, well, milk and honey. Some vegan equivalent -- better, of course, more nourishing.

Ah. I have found my theme.

My son, my wonderful son, of whom you hear so little yet admire so dutifully, is a very serious fitness athlete. He's experimenting with diet, to empirically identify what is optimal. Isn't that a great word? -- optimal? I talked with a guy today who said he got 250 grams of protein a day. Lost 30 pounds or so of Americanism in the past few months, on a sort of Atkins diet. Something like 1700 calories a day, and an hour of cycling, and some weights, which translates as bodybuilding.

I did not slap or even ridicule him. I just pointed out some problems with an imbalanced diet -- explained a bit about protein metabolism. Basic stuff. It's like the heavens opened up for him. He said he'd gotten most of his info from muscleman mags. Well, yes. He said it was always something different -- very confusing. Yes. Lies do that.

The point was my son, and the word optimal. Optimal is not too little, and it's not too much. Too little or much are NOT optimal. This cannot be a difficult idea. So N, my wonderful son, is now trying a totally vegan diet, raw, and mostly liquefied. This is what we might call extreme. He's not doing it as part of a fad. It's a test, for a month. He's tracking the data. Two weeks in.

He is as strong as he's ever been. He's twenty pounds lighter than when he was at his strongest -- and he's that strong now. He's lost five or so pounds. We talked a bit about why that would be. It's fluid the body retains in order to dilute toxins. Like salt -- it makes you hold water because the weaker the solution, the better. Last week he woke up with a white tongue. The body, exploiting a chance to expel goo. It will come out your nose, eyes, ears, tongue, pits, holes, pours -- any way it can. Just give it a chance. It's not sickness. It's cleansing. A good thing, for all that it's unpleasant. Dogs don't like baths.

Do I want him to have a raw liquid vegan diet? The question is improperly formed. I want him to have an optimal diet. This is the process he's using to determine what it is. Don't you wish you had a son as wonderful as mine?

For my part, I am famous of course for my excellence. You have slavishly informed yourselves about the berry smoothie and the veggie stew I use. The missing component, with which I would be perfect, is some saladie stuff. Maybe I'll do it. We shall see.

Here's the point. Saturate your cells in nutrients. Make your bloodstream thick with the raw materials of health. Imagine trying to build health out of denatured flour and fried transfats and chemicalized sugarwater and heated cadaver tissue samples. What in any of those things will build vitality? It's not mysticism or faddism. It's intelligence. Nurture a child and he will grow into an admirable man. Nourish the body and it will grow into vigor and resilience. Or maybe eating that dead fowl flesh is the way to go. Call it fifty-fifty. Putrefactive bacteria verses antioxidants. Tough call.

I'm looking at a book called Good Calories, Bad Calories. No, not an Atkins thing. The author seems actually to be good at science. Just starting it though. Here's a link. Not a fantastic speaker, and he's halfway through before he gets to the point, which is hormones -- but it's good.

I'll quiz you on it later. If you score below 70% you will be barred from this blog for five posts. If you think I can't do it, just ask youself why your computer has been running a little slower lately. And you should be ashamed of yourself, by the way. I've never met anyone so deeply into Bulgarian lesbians. I have to admit, they're hot. Optimally.



paul said...

i have been merely surviving :)

Will C. said...

I was starting to get pissed at you for NO FP ENTRIES in the last few days! How dare you take time off for "labor" day. Like you have anything more important than we your loyal readers! Can you not understand our suffering at the sound of your silence?

Your punishment is no less than 4 postings per day for ONE WEEK.

And at least one of them should be a theme about what you, Jack H, can do to help OUR President and King, Barack H. Obama.

Jack H said...



Peep. Peep.

Ah, there it is.


Jack H smiles, indulgently, and condescends to notice the snuffling and mewling of his admirers. Their passive need is oddly hypnotic, like goldfish endlessly circling their bowl. Jack H could watch them for hours, all the while conjuring up his brilliant formulations of reality, that only he, and, previously, God, has understood. The disjointed and erratic syllables they cobble together amuse him, like birdsong or the babbling of an infant.

You may continue.