Tuesday, December 8, 2009


What is it, Tuesday? I don't usually deal in such short units of time. Hours, days -- what mean these things to me? Mere trivialities. When I condescend to remove myself from that higher plain of my general existence, it is usually to have sex with Tiger Woods. Oh, yes, didn't you know? I am yet another of his lovers. Or shall I say, he is yet another of mine. For eternal spirit is not restricted by the presence or absences of mere alleles on a chromosome. What after all is the difference between an X and a Y? Such inconsequentialities bore me.

The Mighty Earth Spirits have descended in great flocks of private jets upon Copenhagen, land of my earthly ancestors. There they shall save The Planet, by absorbing copious volumes of carbon in the form of delicate pastries and fine wines. There are giants in the earth, and their footprints are gigantic only because they travel on such urgent business. Saving the world. Not necessarily humanity, but the world.

Humans, after all, are just another product of Evolution. Randomness cannot convey meaning. If not us, then orangutans, or dolphins, or queen bees. It hardly matters. Malaria is also a living thing. DDT is genocide. This, this is an enlightened perspective. I should say, the enlightened perspective, since there is only one correct answer, regardless of the fact that all things are relative. The correct answer is that truth must serve conviction, which thoroughly justifies my subverting scientific method and lying about Global Warming, which is a fact over which there is no debate. Yes, it was I. So sue me.

It seems I've been all over the news recently. Did you like how I convicted that American slut in Italy?


1 comment:

chuck e. boy said...

Now if we can only get the rest of the world to so laugh at these guys.