Friday, December 10, 2010


Someone asked what there was in the way of first aid, and I said, "There's duct tape, and alcohol." And someone else said, "Sounds like a party." "Oh you Hollywood types," I chided. Then I said to the first one, "What, is it a blood issue? --yeah, an issue of blood, like a woman." That's right, I get all sex-talking when there are no women around. So?

Over and over and over again, on the radio -- almost Obamalike, talking about how smart he is and bad they are ... you know, them, the hostage-takers, The Enemy ... sheesh THE REPUBLICANS, stupid -- blasting the airwaves, I say, is the cute little Kars 4 Kids jingle. And indeed, the first several hundred times one hears it, one joyfully sings along. Sadly, at some point the saturation point is met and we become sodden, bloated with it -- like Obama, oleaginous with self-approbation until a greazy stream flows after him, inches thick, both sweet and noxious to the nose, like petrifaction, tasting to his remaining worshipers, according to reports (from Keith Olbermann), eerily like the male sexual fluid of Turkish firemen.

Kars 4 Kids. Who could be against that? But I was wondering how much goes to the poor deprived kids, and how much to the ad budget. So I looked it up. Turns out that Kars4Kids is reasonably responsible, somehow, in its application to the charity it supports. But even so, there's something odd there.

Almost all of the money goes to pay for private schooling for Jewish kids, to bring them closer to their roots. Literacy through the Talmud. A laudable aim. But would you have had any clue whatsoever? Cuz, not a word about that, in the cute bouncy guitar-strumming little folk ditty -- "phone number, phone number, phone number, doNATE your car to-day" -- that airs on all those stations at the same time, so if you dial around that's what you hear, two or three times all at once, somehow. And, frankly, while it's a good thing to promote charity, a bit more upfront transparency might be required, for the highest degree of integrity. ...doNATE your car to-day to the religious education of Jewish kids. Because for all that the Jews are the Chosen People, I'd rather the Hebrew Branch get closer to that particular Root that is the Messiah. What with this being Christmastide and all. Rather than closer to the Talmud.

So then. Responsibility. Even diligent charities may be diligent only in their own interests, and not in yours. One might suppose integrity was more globally rigorous than that. But that's just one man's opinion, and frankly I am the Enemy, and a hostage-taker. If only The O -- that's One, not Zero -- could save me from myself, miraculously, as he has brought harmony between the races and all parties, Unifier, Councilor, Nobel Prince of Peace Prize winning Lowerer of the Seas, Whose pronouncements change the very Weather. Save the Planet. No Kars 4 Anyone. No duct tape for blood.


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