Thursday, February 17, 2011


I don't claim not to be odd. I have my issues. So I find myself on a regular basis in a certain place, and I don't like it when people just appear out of nowhere, and I told someone this, and he jingles his keys jokingly to let me know of his approach, but today he didn't, but instead just appeared at the door and said, "Don't stand up." Ha ha.

But it really startled me, and it was deliberate, and that really really bothers me. Because I had already communicated my reality about that. Dude was sort of cavalier about my mild expression of displeasure. "You know, I'm kind of high-strung." Should I have been harsh? It messed me up for a couple of hours, though. I know, I'm nuts. But I'm nuts. And how clear do I have to be, beyond actually telling someone something in a straightforward way, as I had done?

No, I have only one issue. Disrespect. And the sad fact is that once trust is lost, it's lost. How do you get it back? I don't see how. Repentance? Who would even see the need to repent of that little joke? I'm not reasonable. I know this. And I'm sure I've crossed people's boundaries too. I apologize when it's made clear to me. It's only right. We don't have to be perfect. We have to be courteous when we offend. And we have to be trustworthy. Sometimes I'm amazed at how important loyalty is to me.

I told my pathetic little feeling to someone, about disrespect, and he said he had something like that about being lied to. We're all different. When I'm lied to, I usually just observe the liar, fascinated by the insight into their souls. We lie to protect ourselves, or to manipulate someone else. No, I didn't pee on the toilet seat. Or: Dude, I saw your mama last night on the corner picking up men. In any case, the lie is always about the character of the liar. Well, it's all about character. So ... nothing solved. And everything.

My foolish mother a while back got into the habit of throwing my things away, as the whim struck her. I'd had some things stored at her place. I went so far as to put locks up, but she found her way in. It's amazing. I seem to have solved the problem, but trust is completely and totally destroyed. I will never believe her. See my point? It's not that she's crazy. It's that we have to respect, or at least acknowledge other people's boundaries.

I'm generally sleep deprived, and it's delightful how much energy I have and how productive I am when I get something like enough. Getting in some good workouts, everyday this week. Need to do strength, and more rowing. Ah, tomorrow then. Yes. Am I looking even more beautiful, if such a thing is possible? I don't know. No one has the decency to tell me. Seems like I work hard for little or no results. But futility has not stopped me yet.

Yep. We're all nuts. Taking offense at what other people see as their right, or as wit. It's so tiresome. This is why there can be, at most, only one God.


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