Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What Everything Is

I know a sound guy who worked the red carpet for the Oscars. Boom man. Said it was freezing. Then Monday he did the Charlie Sheen interview. Charlie was calm and polite, chain smoked, with his two tattooed girlfriends, from the Valley, both about an 8. He helped the crew with their equipment, and sniffed a lot. If I don't really care about Sumatran tsunamis and Louisianan hurricanes, I surely don't care about Charlie Sheen.

Then I foolishly opened the door to a political talk, with an off-handed comment about how Mega Government didn't seem competent to manage micro health. Guy suggested that anyone who didn't have a hundred thousand dollars saved up, or insurance, would be a "free rider." I said I'd rather die. I think I mean it. In any case, later I brooded, a lot, about the implication, that I wouldn't pay my debts. That wasn't his point of course, but I'm a little crazy. It's crazy to take that sort of thing personally, and to brood about it as an offense, and to rather die than get sucked into the disease care system.

And someone parked in the spot I use, and I made a jokey stink about it, but it did bother me, and I carried it too far anyway. It was wondered if I'm territorial. Apparently, pathologically. The diligent reader will be aware that I have almost hermetic boundaries.

I was involved in the purchase of an Airdyne, a sort of exercise bike, highly recommended by my son. Got it at a phenomenal price, thirty percent discount because I'm a senior citizen. Over fifty. It needs a tuneup, call it fifty bucks. I'm calling around to find a place. Normal bike shops don't do that sort of thing. Sure it's a hassle, but that's what life seems to be.

I don't understand life. It seems so hard, and pointless. My own life isn't hard. Kind of empty. I find I love a very few people, and there's tenderness in that, but I'm so constricted. I should be a saint. What went wrong? If it were possible, God would be disappointed. As it is, He'll just judge me, justly.

Yesterday ended with cause for optimism. Today ended with it's disappointment. Not discouragement though. Whatever we put our faith in, it shouldn't be put into what people say. There is a random correlation between promises and completion.

There's a cat that waits outside my door for me. Not actually my cat, but I bring it in and it sleeps with me. Well? It's a wearying thing to sleep alone, always. Something about the proximity of another heartbeat. So I understand gay marriage. Even without the sex, people just want to be with someone. Too bad sodomy has to be involved.

I just don't understand how Two and a Half Men could be the number one show. It sucked so bad, the one time I saw part of it. Sheen seems to be the smartest guy involved. How did it possibly last 8 years? Inexplicable. But so is everything.


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