Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I find to my dismay that I am currently ranked 39th in the world, for old-guy XFers. It goes by 5 year increments, and only something like 500 in my category, but even so. Some folks around here are thinking I'll make it to the Games. But Corporate only has to throw one big strength workout into the Opens, or a tough run, and I'm #467. Even so, I had not realized that the old guys don't have to do Regionals or Sectionals -- it's just the top 20 from the Opens. That does put a different spin on it. And the third workout was posted today -- it's stuff I'm pretty good at. I'm okay at burpees -- the first Open workout was 7 minutes of burpees ... I'm piss-poor at snatches -- but my 60 for the second workout pulled me up from the 130s into the 30s ... or whatever ... I seem to have a block.

This third one is 15 box jumps onto a 24 inch box, 12 push presses with 115 pounds, and 9 toes to bars, rounds in 18 minutes. I'm not amazing at any of these, but they are within my comfort zone. With a bit of "luck" ... well, my natural modesty inhibits me from saying. Oh, alright: I'll bump up another order of magnitude. Not greedy though -- top 5 is fine for me.

Seriously though, I really have no desire or ambition at all to do the Games. But if it's within my capacity, I have the obligation. Cannot communicate how much I do not want to compete. Really dislike it. Waiting around in a strange place, tension, crowds. Only good thing is that everyone will get to see my amazing body. It's really fantastic. If you get one of the ESPNs you'll see it. And all the chicks will really be into me -- I've decided to get a tattoo: Ride the Silver Fox! That'll be in a circle around my left nipple. Apparently my back is as astounding as my front. I wouldn't know, fixated on my amazing front as I am, but it makes sense.

Ah well. I just dared to look at the rankings. I was 39th for the snatches, along with about 20 other dudes ... but my overall ranking is also 39th. How odd. The leader is my weight and 7 inches shorter -- there is a profound mechanical advantage for him, unless there's a refrigerator-carrying event, where a long reach counts and leverage doesn't. Keep yer fingers crossed, cuz all them chicks is waiting. But it is an honor ever to have been nominated.

Just a little narcissism, to keep up the family tradition.

Yeah, I picked up on the gossip. My mother was actually physically going to my father's house and helping him during his convalescence. Seems the deal was only that he not bad-mouth any member of her family. His family. Of course he couldn't honor that. And furthermore, the water was too loud, when she was washing the dishes. It bothered him, a lot. And that led to some unpleasant language, and he said, "You're fired!" and she said, "I quit!" Meanwhile the Mexican slave that the father has had been coming to the mother's house, trimming trees and painting walls, whether she wanted it or not. But he ordered the slave never to return, so the jobs are half finished.

I find that until now I have never actually been ashamed of my father. Angry and repulsed, but never ashamed. Until now.

Good think I'm so amazing, right? Keeps me sane.


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