Mostly from Bizarre Books. All of the following are real books, written in good faith by authors who acknowledge no sense of irony in any of their efforts.
Some just have unfortunate titles. Games You Can Play With Your Pussy, pub 1985. Old Dykes I Have Known, 1996. The Big Problem of Small Organs, 1966 -- that would be PIPE organs ... if that clarifies the issue.
Cock Tugs, 1963 -- the meaning of which is helpfully explained: "a short history of the Liverpool Screw Towing Company." The Nature and Tendency of Balls, Seriously and Candidly Considered in Two Sermons. The date, 1818, cues us as to the true nature of these "balls" -- soirees.
Shag the Pony, 1952. The Boy Fancier -- a manual of domestic pets, 1912. The Boy Hunter, 1938. Fishing for Boys, 1961. Not one of these words is inappropriate. And yet. The increasing depravity of our culture makes these titles less humorous, and more literal. There's something called "grooming," I've been hearing mentioned in the news. I have not yet used the Urban Dictionary to hone in on the definition.
Invisible Dick, 1926, with this succulent passage: "'Jeehosophat! What a disgraceful scene!' said Dick Brett, doing a series of physical jerks behind a bush, as he began to grow into visibility." Talk about yer "small organs."
School Experiences of a Fag at a Private and a Public School, 1854. The Gay Boys of Old Yale, 1869. Queer Chums, 1887; Queer Doings in the Navy, 1896; Queer Shipmates, 1962.
The Gentleman's Recreation, 1928, by Cox, preface by Cuming. Common Truths from Queer Texts, 1908, by Rev. J Gay. Funny how the meanings of words seem to change.
Churchill wished he'd said, "The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash."
Why is "queer" an okay part of the alphabet plus sexuals, but not "faggot" or "dyke"? "Faggot" was practically my nickname, from my scum brothers when I was a vulnerable, neglected and abused little child. What's the BS Woke lie? Words are violence? No, dumbass, violence is violence. Words are words. And pain is pain. But not all pain is the same.
Well, that can get old, the way words have more than one meaning, queer, fag, jerk. Let's turn to a new page.
Handbook for the Limbless, published 1922 by the Disabled Society. Not so droll, when we remember how close this was to the First World War.
A Treatise on Madness, 1758; by Wllm Battie (git it?), who informs his rapt readership that madness does not respond to the general cures, such as "bleeding, blisters, caustics, rough cathartics, the gums and faetid anti-hysterics, opium, mineral-waters, cold bathings and vomits." The problem was, no universal healthcare. Thank you, Obama! You saved us! There is no more madness, now. Everyone is completely sane! No one is demented!
Another healthcare problem: The Symptoms, Nature, Cause, and Cure of a Gonorrhoea, 1713, by ... Wllm Cockburn. Is that a name or a symptom? I prescribe faetid gums and a rough cathartic, or maybe rough gums and a faetid cathartic, for a gonorrhea. For a syphili, too. And also for a herpe.
We can't help our names.
- Yoshimoto Banana
- Gottfried Egg
- Knud Bugge
- Dee Day (heidi hoe!)
- Violet Organ
- A. Farto
- O. Hell
- Harry Prick
- Pierre Anus
Ludwig von Baldass. M. Fucker. Wolfgang Kundt. Ach. Those Germans.
No, we can't help our names ... but we can help the titles and subjects of our books. Obesity: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment, 1974, by L. Lasagna. Care for Your Kitten, 1986, by A. Mews. Motorcycling for Beginners, 1980, Geoff Carless. Some Examples of Wave Motion in Fluids, 1975, G.D. Crapper. Punishment, 1972, by Robin Banks. Vasectomy: The Male Sterilization Operation, 1972, by P.J. Gillette. Shy Men, Sex, and Castrating Women, 1985, by Claude Balls. The Adolescent Diaries, 1980, by K. Horney. Monitoring Family Planning and Reproductive Rights, 1997, by A. Hardon. Sexual Desire and Love, 1983, by E. Fuchs.
Well. A lot of the contents of Bizarre Books are just repetition on the theme. Odd but not incredibly funny titles and authors. Gay Agony, 1930, by H.A. Manhood. (Huh -- he also wrote Nightseed. I learned about that in 7th grade health class, "nocturnal emission".)
They use the word Gay, or Queer, or Inch, or Dick or Roger, or ask earnest questions on obscure topics. Guys named Money write books on finance. Some are just out there. Dildo Kay, 1940. A novel of the shoreline?
Lesbia's Little Blunder, 1934. Um, something about lost, and dildo key?
But on the other hand, these authors followed their dream. They poured their minds or hearts into it and produced something they were proud of. Bad titles or odd names don't mean bad books -- although judgment is distributive. In any case, I have been, in my youth, a name bigot. Haha, your name is funny sounding!!! Something to grow out of. And I, your humble host, have a name that some may find odd. As for all of my books, they are brilliantly titled. The Light Touch, by Jack Hammer. Birds I Have Loved, by Jay Human. Yes, I use noms de plume.
Point is, I have compassion for the multitudes. Of course I do. Writing and speaking, communicating as felicitously as I do? -- is so so easy to do, for I am one for whom there is no need for irony for. Self awareness is for losers.
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