Tuesday, May 23, 2006

No, Really - It Must Be a Good Idea, Somehow

Mark Steyn: "Technically, an 'amnesty' only involves pardoning a person for a crime rather than, as this moderate compromise legislation does, pardoning him for a crime and also giving him a cash bonus for committing it. In fact, having skimmed my Webster's, I can't seem to find a word that does cover what the Senate is proposing, it having never previously occurred to any other society in the course of human history."

So there’s that. But I, personally, am simply infatuated with the idea of throwing out the outmoded concept of the rule of law. It's so ... dead white men. Now I too can freely commit all those crimes I’ve been storing up in my venomous soul, formerly inhibited from enjoying their full savour only by my cowardly fear of social retribution. Hey, gang! The Senate wants me to commit my crimes! Let’s get this party started!

My particular thrill? Sex and violence! Yeah! Money never has been a powerful motivator – and when you think about it, why would it be? Why steal money when you can just steal the thing itself? Especially nowadays, when laws aren't enforced. Logic, stupid … logic! Anyway, I much prefer the more intimate sorts of crimes. Hands on. Nothing gets me off more than terrorizing … than terrorizing … but I’ve said too much. As with all scum, my actions are best committed by dead of night. And hey, what’s your problem anyway? I sneak across the “border” and commit my crimes in Mexico, anyway. So it’s none of your bees wax. Fascist.

[a delay, while I transform from Mr. “H” back into Dr. Jackyll]

Oh, merciful heavens. What ever have I been saying? I simply cannot imagine what gets into me, sometimes. No, no, most certainly not! We must have order. We must have the fair and equitable enforcement of law.

Oh! My hair is a fright! What can I have been up to? And what’s this, stuck in my teeth? Someone’s fingernail? Ach.

There is one very troubling problem, though. Well, one for now. What happens when people cheat on their income tax? I mean, chronic cheating, for year after year? The answer of course is in two parts. If you are a citizen or legal resident, your property will be confiscated and you will go to jail. If you are an illegal alien, you get a fast track to citizenship. Y'see, income tax forms have a space to declare income from "other" sources. From illegal sources. So there's no excuse at all. It's just scofflaw greed. But the illegals get a pass.

[a sudden transformation back into Mr. H]

Makes sense to me.


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