Monday, July 24, 2006

Civilian Casualties

nking Hebrews. Yes! That’s right!!! Over 300000 innocent civilians murdered in their prime, just today in a single village by the barbaric puppet Semites and their master Uncle Satan, and believe you me I don’t mean the poor, blameless Arabs. Probably almost most of the victims are nearly all children. Or no, wait … babies. Yes, babies, they're all babies. For sure. It's a proven fact. They're mostly all babies. I remember seeing Wolf talk about it. I don't know why I said "probably" before -- I'm usually so accurate and precise and stuff. We all know what the Jews are like. They aim for them, you know, babies. It’s a proven fact. Check the internet. Oh, it’s all there, all right. Jew Hebrews hate babies. Hebejews. And did you know that Jews use the blood of baby Christians to make their tortillas? It’s a fact, thoroughly attested to by the very best authorities, for hundreds of years. In fact I think it’s in the Bible. But who could read that thing.

Now, some rightwinger bigots who are all so stupid think they are ever so clever in pointing out that all so-called terrorists are civilians. Terrorists are civilians by definition. As if there were such things as terrorists. Other than so-called Americans. The point is too stupid to bother to respond to. Every idiot knows that a civilian is a civilian. Duh. God I hate them so much. And that Butch … doesn’t he look like a monkey? Ugh. Just like a monkey. Can you imagine sleeping with him? I barely can. But imagine saying that the obviously innocent Arab civilian victims of unprovoked Israelite aggression with their big metal tanks and millions of jet fighters and Saturn rockets supplied by the so-called Americans although we know that the real Americans are the native American people of color not the evil white genocidal invaders who all cry to their blue-haired mommies about the borders of this so-called country that really belongs to La Raza anyway and -- uh -- what I mean is, um -- well I seem to have lost my train of thought. Oh yes. Butch and what a chimp he is. He stole the election, you know. President Select. Oh, that’s rich. Rich, like all Repuglickings. And they’re all so stupid too and such racists and homophobes.

Well, Dear Reader, I trust the inexorable thrust of my cool rationality has once more cut through all the corporate military so-called patriotic hype that Fox News tries to get you to swallow. Not that there’s anything wrong with swallowing per se, mind you. And Drudge. And did you know that Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict? They’re all such hypocrites and irrationality.

On a lighter note, Your Humble Author is pleased to announce that a special friend in the State Department has finally supplied him at last with a passport, and thus I will be one of the featured speakers on the divine annual gala cruise to Bangkok sponsored under the combined auspices of NARAL slash LAMBDA slash NAMBLA. We’ve formed a fabulous umbrella group, the Gay Man-Boy Action and Lesbian, Transgender, Cross-Dressing Invert Catamite and Polymorph Abortion Lovers Association of North and Central American Man-Boy Lovers Leagues, and this year’s GM-BALTC-DICPALANCAM-BLL theme will be “White: the Anti-Rainbow.” Believe you me, sugar, you don’t want to miss this! Kos is scheduled (tinfoil hats will be provided), and I don’t want to drop any names but a certain former vice president who was robbed and is saving the planet may just drop by and run a little film-strip we’ve been hearing about. By special request I will be presenting my award-winning preformance art tour de force, now re-titled Flaccid!!! due to unfounded allegations of copyright infringement. Imagine, me convicted of plagarism! The idea! It was just all a bizzare, one-in-a-million coincidence. But try to get justice from a Raygun-appointed judge. The festivities will be capped by a combination Carnivàle-Sabbat, nude of course except for masques, so bring your toys, and the bigger the better! Remember, international waters start three miles out, so restrain yourselves til then. And until next time, my sweets, I remain,

Your Humble Author,

Helmut Crisp

PS - the arms-for-hostiages deal.

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