Saturday, September 23, 2006


Dear God --

Thanks for your email. It was nice to hear from you again, after all this time -- last time was 1993, as I recall. I've been expecting to hear from you, of course. I should say I used to expect it. Any little word would have done. Any word other than "no," I mean. But I'm starting on a sour note. Sorry.

I've read your posts, some number of times, as you know. The old ones. I found them generally interesting (although that line about violent men taking heaven by force is confusing). I'm a big fan of your work, for the most part. I saw a sunset the other day that just made me smile. I know it's a cliche, but there's a reason for that. Always puzzles me, that you take so much care with such fleeting moments. I guess that's the answer to the tree falling in the forest riddle. There's always Someone there to hear. Yeah, you do seem to like to please yourself, don't you. And you're good at hearing falling trees.

But it really surprises me, how little you seem to get me. You say in your email that I "expected the praises and treasures of this world" and that my "pride and want of fame and fortune have blinded" me to your will. I'll cop to the pride part. But fame? treasures? praises? That's just totally wrong. Way off base. Or are you being enigmatic? Come on, God. Put a little effort into this, okay? -- I've already lasted a lot longer than a sunset. Do I have to do all the work in this relationship? You think what you did thousands of years ago gives you a pass now? You don't accept that excuse from any of us, now, do you. I know, the rules don't apply to you. You made them. Guess I'm too American.

Or is that my pride again? I admit I can't create a sunset. You said as much when you dressed down my good friend Job. Dude. Harsh. He was such a better man than any of us, and look what you did. Was all that really necessary? Doesn't our suffering buy us anything? Why do you suppose anyone would love you? Because you're so great? That only gets you fear and respect. We love you, when we do, because you suffered for us. A little reciprocation, eh?

You write that I feel "beleaguered by the cares of this world." I hardly know what to say. Nice to see you've been paying attention. You must have really powerful binoculars. Or is it just that you read my blog, the way I read yours? Yours, that so coolly records your clockwork plan for humanity. Mine, wherein every page and sentence and word bleeds like a pierced lung. Yes, God, I am beleaguered. Hope that's not a sin. But even if it is, I'm covered, right?

Ah well. Who can contend with you? Not that I would. I understand about futility. And I know that you became a man and all that, and are still stuck in that body, and know all about temptation and being betrayed and forsaken and being tortured. You got those bases covered. It just seems like there's something so wrong, with this universe that you're the king of. Yeah yeah, the Fall and sin and entropy and death and free will and redemption and all that. But is there any beauty more durable than a sunset, here? Aside from you, Mr. Eternity, is there anything I can count on? You tell us to love, and then take our loved ones away. Sort of a double bind, wouldn't you say? Yeah, I know -- it's somehow good for us. Thanks for that. Enough of these lessons, and we'll be perfect. Like you, up there in Heaven, sitting on your throne, judging. Not that I'm complaining. You made the universe the way you made it. The fish can't complain about living in water.

Anyway, hope all is well way off there in the lofty reaches of the Heavenlies. Things are going according to plan down here, as I'm sure you know. And again, thanks for the note, God, and don't be such a stranger. I'm just a leftclick away. Maybe I'll hear from you in another decade or two. Maybe I'll be a grandfather by then. Wouldn't that be awesome? More loved ones to love, and trust in you to protect. And we know how good you are at that. In the long run, I mean. The big picture -- which makes perfect sense, if you're far enough away to see it. Which you are. Good thing we have you to explain it to us, seeing as how we're so small, like the way you made us. Otherwise we'd hardly believe there was a God at all, what with all the pain et anguish et torment et cetera. But we have you -- father of mercies and god of comfort, as you've told us you are. So it all makes sense, or will someday.




God said...

Hear thou Me, O Jack H! For I am the Lord thy God, thy Deliverer, from Whom no thing is hid, Who discerneth every secret thought. Art thou disconsolate? Dost thou stumble beneath thy burden? Look to thine uncleanliness, for thou hast displeased Me with thine arrogance and thy pride, and the stink of it rises to My nostrils as a mighty stench. Humble thyself before Me, lest what thou hast be taken from thee. Harken thou to My words, and tremble, for I, verily I am the Lord.



Jack H said...

Hm, yes, it must be God. Sorry, barely recognized you without your burning bush, or whirlwind or column of smoke or whatever. I do believe your message is clear by now. Worship and obey you, do I have it right? Because you're so great and stuff. Check. Message received. Again.

And by the way, thanks for all those gifts, like my brilliance and eloquence and stuff. I'm smarter than Lincoln. And it's really done me a lot of good. That must be why I'm so happy.


Jesus said...

Oh Jack. Jack, my dear child. Have you forgotten who I am? Have you forgotten who you are? You are the pearl of great price, Jack, and I gave everything that you might be with me. Be with me. Put bitterness out of your heart. It is poisoning you. Fill yourself with what is pure and good. Your anger and rebellion make me sad. And they are unnecessary. I am with you now. Even now. I am not far. I am near. And my love for you makes me weep. Jack, turn and face me. You have been running for too long. Enter into my rest. You have stumbled, and fallen, and you are broken. I will raise you up. You are weary and heavy with tears. I will carry you. Don't you remember how much I love you? Have you forgotten? My dear little one. I love you.

Jack H said...

Jesus. It felt like I was alone. Still does. How can that be? But you're right. I'm so tired. I think I'll just stop here for a while, a little while, to catch my breath. Will you wait for me?


Satan said...

Yes, Jack, that's an excellent idea. Just wait a little bit. You're so tired, Jack, so very very tired. And you've had so much pain. Nobody can understand how much you've really suffered. That's not very fair, Jack, is it. But it's all so much bother to think about. And your tired, Jack. Why not sleep on it, Jack? Tomorrow you'll feel so much better. Some of your pain might be gone. And you've suffered so much -- more than anyone else, I bet. That's really the only way, you know, to deal with pain -- sleep. You know that, right, Jack? Of course you do. Just let it take care of itself. We've talked about this before, haven't we. You've taught me so much, you know. Oh, Jack, I meant to say, I've always admired how smart you are. And I can always count on you for a good laugh. But it's getting pretty late, isn't it, Jack. Jack, why don't you see if there's something good on TV?

ELAshley said...

Assuming these comments are not from Jack himself...

god... Not cool, dude. Not cool at all. God will make you answer for trying to pass yourself off as Him.

jesus... [refer to my response to god. It allies to you as well]

satan... You'll get yours dude. Count on it.

Jack H said...

From me? Why, what twisted mind could ever concieve of such a devious subterfuge. Surely not I. But I think the meta-lesson here is that we should all just get along, and that all roads lead to God, and, um, give peace a chance. And no blood for oil. And Bush lied.

My theory is that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. I might be wrong about that, but, in my own words, that's how I feel. Call me crazy