Parent Alert!

Did you know there is pornography on the internet? I hardly know what to think. I was just doing a search, a simple innocent little search, for a kinglist of Dynasty XIX -- the New Kingdom of Egypt, don't you know -- and there was a site, "HotNastyTitties!" I misread it as Het Nefertiti. Imagine my surprise! There I was expecting a scholarly treatise on that intriguing queen -- admittedly outside the scope of my search, but always worth a look ... wife of the revolutionary Ankhenaton ("In Aton there Is Life") -- of whom there is a very great deal of misinformation, but that's beside the point -- and instead I am confronted with a bleary-eyed pouty slut squeezing together her bosoms. Is this supposed to be erotic? All I think when I see such a creature is that she didn't care when warned that something might go on her permanent record. What are the symptoms of chlamydia?

I have to admit that all this comes as something of a surprise. This phenomenal tool for research, and it seems a large part of it is devoted to pictures of naked women. Well, I guess I also have to admit that I've just done a little more searching, and it seems there are sites that far exceed mere pictures of merely naked mere women. ... Oh heavens! What in the world...? What in the name of heaven is ... is that? Good Lord. Oh please, excuse me for a moment...

Pardon, I was slightly nauseated.

Well, something needs to be done about this, I should think. I mean, don't kids use the internet? I'm sure one day not too long from now one of them is going to stumble upon such a site, and such a sight. And you just know that when one kid finds it, then the word will spread like wildfire. You know they have these new "mobile" telephones and all, they're called "cellphones," and these "text messages" and "blueberries" and such, so they'd hear about it pretty fast. Don't have to write letters anymore, I understand. I think it's pretty lucky that it hasn't happened yet, the discovery of all that smut and pollution on the internet, but we, as responsible adults, can't rely on luck. And "e-mails," youngsters can write e-mails too! That's short for "electrical mail," I believe. And I've heard something about, uh, "chatrooms"? -- and what they are calling "bulletin boards"? -- but not the cork kind ... these are also a form of electronic computerized communication. Gracious, the peril is quite grave.

We here at Forgotten Prophets™ know that all our readers come looking for envelope-pushing insight into contemporary mores and trends, so we are both pleased and disgusted to break this major story. Much is said about the cutting edge reporting, the revolution in news gathering that blogs are responsible for, and we on the FP™ staff pride ourselves in taking the lead in such matters. Rest assured, we will look into these smut purveying sites more diligently -- and there is no irony or double meaning implied or to be inferred -- and alert the public of our findings.

...

[gasp] Oh! Great heavens! Did ... did you know there is gambling on the internet?!?


J