Monday, May 7, 2007


I've decided to change careers. I don't know to what, yet, but first thing is to change my name. That's how I spent the weekend -- thinking up names. Jack Arousal. It has an exotic flavor to it, non? A little Eastern, a little tropical. A sour jackal. Manly yet sensual. I think it has universal appeal. It's at the top of my list. I'd have to change monograms -- practically everything I own is monogrammed -- and that's a hassle. But numerologically it works out well. Eleven letters -- the most mystical of numbers. Destiny of FOUR -- the most solid of fates, yet transcending limits. That's me all over. Dream number ONE, a leader, known for courage and original ideas, seeking unconquered heights. How true, how true. That's it then. I think I can scrap the rest of the list. Jack Foreplay, Jack Fullgroin, Jack Fairycoon -- these are all great, but they sound a bit ... I don't know -- eff just doesn't do it for me. Yeah, it's the eff. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Lots of really great words start with eff -- I've got nothing against it -- some of the best words start with it. I've done many things that start with eff. I'm an eff myself, in many ways. But it's a little obvious, right? I think so. Obvious for me, at least.

As for the Jack, well, that's just got to stay. Jack is the perfect name. It suits me so well. It's like, so common, you know? It balances me out, cuz I'm such a highclass guy, and it makes me human, it pulls me down to everyone else's level. That's necessary. And you know what? It's not even my first name! Isn't that a hoot? My first name is Darnell. My mother read it in a book. Hey! Maybe I should change my name to Jack Darnell! That's such a cool idea! It's so biblical! Angels love darnels! I'll have to think about it though. Cuz there's something about Arousal that just pulls at me.

As for careers, it'd have to be something where the name Jack Arousal would fit. I'm thinking racecar driver, or spokesmodel for something French. Right now I'm a parking lot attendant. It's not as challenging as I'd hoped. I think my guidance counselor had a drug problem. But that's living in the past. And it's all about the future, with me!

Did you ever wonder what it is that's burning, in lava?

J. A.


Galen said...

Jack Armbar.


Jack H said...

Too one-dimensional. I'm trying to make a full break. Not of an arm, of course -- that's just an unhappy coincidence of idioms. No, I mean a full break from the past. Not that Arousal is a break from the past. Many people are aroused by me, and visa versa. But I've said too much.