I’m reading again on quantum mechanics. Got myself thinking about it, and I have to follow my bliss. So a particle borrows some energy from uncertainty to do something unexpected, and then has to give the energy back. Equations must balance, even if it takes a little time. The whole universe is like that. Waves pass through whatever the matrix of existence is, and would extend infinitely without interference. Chance gives potential particles reality, even if only for a brief time. And so on.
For just a moment I saw it not as uncertainty, but as cooperation. A thing might go left or right, it might spring into existence or fall into oblivion. It isn't that everything averages out into a flat sea of foam. Reality isn't in the balancing of the equations, but in the dynamic exchanges that are as inevitable as the balancing. Everything conspires with everything else, so that everything might exist. Isn't that beautiful?
I have to be careful whom I love -- or rather, to whom I give my love. Because you can’t take it back. It’s out there, and it changes everything. Change is a good thing, undoubtedly. It's what creates the universe, reborn in every moment. Love is like that -- a sort of cooperation. And of course it's more than that as well. It's an energy that brings something into existence, and doesn't have to be repaid. Saints, after all, are radiant.
I can't do that. Well, I could, but it would mean changing. It would mean uncertainty. By this attitude I make myself a sort of foam. A break-even equation. A zero sum game. That's no way to live. But it's what most of us do.
You can't take love back. You'd only want to, if you dreaded uncertainty. You see the paradox.
I tamed a wild dog once. She trembled with fear. Later, she was the most loyal animal there ever was. That's how I see myself. Wild, and trembling, and capable of great loyalty.
What would it be like to be what we were meant to be? What would it be like if grace radiated out of us like pure waves, passing undiminished through every obstacle, sharing energy yet all the stronger for it? What if the love we can't take back returned in unceasing waves of joy? What if fear and regret and grief and anguish were terms of an equation that might be factored out at will, and only elegance and a sublime simplicity remained? How lovely, how lovely a thought.
There is a way for it to be true. Somewhere, from somewhere, energy must be borrowed. From where?
From a high place, God watches with expectant eyes, and smiles. Nothing is unexpected, and nothing needs to be repaid.
J
2 comments:
We, created in God's image - His essence, are the radience of His glory. We are all radiant. We are the image bearers. The top of the list, I should say because everything has His mark on it. It is in Him and through Him and by Him that we recognize our existence. It is only that as we recognize our place do we find purpose and meaning. Turned inward we implode and that is such a mess. But even in our implosion we demonstrate the glory of God. We cannot exist without it - demonstrating the glory that is. We find our fulfillment and peace in being this channel. You have tamed the wild dog and the wild child but you cannot tame your own soul. Only Jesus can do that.
You can't take love back. My, how you've tried. Stewing, brooding on love lost, paralyzed for fear of future loves lost. I'm glad Father isn't this way. He radiates love that doesn't return to Him void. Your love hasn't returned to you void either. Your depth. Your wealth. Your substance. Look how greatly you have loved and the return equals the sacrifice. You can't take love back, however, it is thrust upon you. You are not a flat sea of foam. You have grown.
Bearers of a broken image, or broken bearers of an image. Broken lightbulbs don't shine. What of those who are made for the fire? Their radiance is of a different light, no?
Some dogs can't be tamed. Please. You know it's true.
That, of course, isn't us.
How pleasing to remember, as often as we may, that God is love.
J
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