Saturday, July 7, 2007

A Guessing Game

Okay. Take a look:

And again:

And one more time, just to make sure:

Okay. So, now, guess. Go ahead. Guess. Ready? -- Steady? -- Go!


That's right. How did you know? Moslem. At least he has a career.

No, it wasn't the color of his skin or of his hair or of his eyes. Not the shape of his nostrils or the texture of his beard. It's what he is doing. The unabashed public display of irrational rage. Christians roast marshmallows around campfires. Jews play chess in the park. Moslems burn down hotels at which Salmon Rushdie's translator is stopping, along with a few dozen incidental Turks who just happened to be in the building. Moslems commit murder because they are offended by some cartoons. If the Pope is insufficiently circumspect about certain historical verities that the mullahs would have forgotten? -- then it's killing time! The rumor of the impossible act of a koran flushed down a commode is enough to flood the streets with another sort of human waste.

Well, just ignore me. I am clearly a bigot, and a hypocritical ignoramus who refuses to remember all the multiplicity of sins committed by the aforementioned Christians and Jews. Why, if I'd given it any thought, countless examples would have sprung to even my benighted mind, of all the egregious atrocities committed by the Judeochristians recently. Like, for example, uh, the Crusades, and all those witchburnings. Shocking. And, uh, slavery. Well, that wasn't so much a Christian thing per se as an American thing -- along with all the rest of the world, but still, American. And, uh, what else ... dropping the A-bomb. Moslems never dropped an A-bomb. They can't even build one. Oh, wait. Well, yes, they build them, but they'd never use it. Not in a million picoseconds, and believe you me, bucko, that is a very long time. Totally long. So that proves it then. Whatever my point was. Something about how we're the real terrorists. Me especially. God I hate myself.

Well. What, after all, is the big deal with the islamists, that I'm always harping on and on? We've never had enemies before? Those enemies weren't just as evil, or just as dangerous? The Nazis and the Communists didn't threaten everything we stand for? Assuming of course that there is such a thing as "evil," and that we have ever really been in "danger."

Well. The big deal about the islamists is that they are the enemy we have now. Nazis are a kitch joke. Communism is history's leisure suit. Of course, this is so because these formerly-great terrors were defeated, and at great cost. Had they prevailed, well, humanity survives all sorts of disasters. Perhaps another America would have arisen, eventually. Nations do go mad from time to time. France comes to mind -- I mean its Terror. But the French love France for a reason. It is worthy of love. I'm sure it is, despite the current generation's cowardice and appeasement toward its disaffected islamist minority. Point is, the islamists are not a joke. Nations that do not awake to deadly peril cease to exist.

Was Hitler mad? A generation of Germans seem not to have thought so. Was Communism evil? Scores of millions of the murdered dead cannot rise to give testimony. Judgments regarding the mental stability of national leaders, and vague epistemological statements about the existential merit of ideologies -- these are concepts that are by definition debatable. Shall we waste our time with quibbles?

The scream-for-the-cameras moslems, with their flag- and book- and effigy-burning -- what concern have we for their emotions? And wife-burning, and daughter-burning ... they are not our wives and daughters, in our country, under our laws. Hardly ever. No, it's the hotel-burnings that catch our eye, and the jet-burnings and the Trade Center-burnings. It's the Jews-in-ovens burnings that they would revive, or the driving them into the sea. I don't know, call me crazy, but it just seems like there comes a point when these things might sort of become a little bit of a problem.

Unfortunately, I'm too stupid to be able to understand the very subtle point that they have their own reasons for doing these things. People have tried to explain it to me, but I just don't get it. Like this Salmon Rushdie thing. He's a non-Moslem. Ex-Moslem. But that's not allowed. So he was in a gang or a cult, or some secret society like the Masons? And if you leave it you have your throat cut across from ear to ear, and your tongue torn out by the roots, and your body buried up to the neck below the high tide line where it ebbs and flows twice in the four and twenty hours? Apparently so. But to notice this fact would be rude, and bigoted.

Well. My answer to someone who says that I cannot criticize him, but he can criticize me, and Christians and Jews and Hindus and Buddhists and converts and apostates and atheists and movies and gays and democracy and capitalism and history and science and good spelling and the West -- my answer to such a person is, Fuck you, and the "prophet" (PBUH) you rode in on. Not likely to move the discussion forward. But as I admit, I am a vulgar and ignorant bigot. So behead me.

Once we've gotten over the emotion, though -- theirs so terrifying, and ours so bigoted -- then we might run through some checklist or other, to determine what has proven in the past to be effective when confronted with implacable and murderous opposition. Then we might want to make some sort of plan to deal with the issue. Cuz it's not like there's never been an enemy before. And it's not like we'd have to make a wild guess, now, about who the enemy is. You do know who it is, right? C'mon, of course you do. Take a guess.




Anonymous said...

The Jews are guilty of all sorts of atrocities and genocides. Haven't you read the Old Testament? Yahweh is a bloodthirtsty mountain god who commanded his followers to murder the entire population of Canaan in order for the Israelites to seize the land.

Americans are also guilty of all sorts of atrocities. Would you like for the police to handle your neighborhood in the same manner as the military handles Iraq? A bomb would fall on your house and kill your family and the military would only say; "Collateral damage".

Europeans are by far the most violent and dangerous people to ever inhabit the Earth. Have you forgotten the 20th century? 100 million people killed by European wars. Remember the 15th - 19th centuries? Millions murdered all over the globe so that the Europeans could colonize, exploit and enslave the entire planet.

And what of 9/11? America committed a more terrible act of terrorism in 1945. Wheras the Muslims only murdered 3,000 with their terrorist act, the Americans murdered 140,000 civilians in Hiroshima and (as if that was not enough) another 74,000 in Nagasaki.

So much for the idea that the Muslims are a uniquely violent people. Christians and Jews are more violent than the Muslims.

Christianity is more violent than Islam.

Jack H said...

At last I have a reader worthy of my genius. Oh, A, I could not agree with you more. I hate the Jews too! They are so bad and stuff. And that God of theirs -- what a jerk, right? How dare this so-called God command that some of his creatures be destroyed! Who does he think he is? God? Oh, wait -- well,anyways, I'm sure he's wrong ... if he exists at all, of course, the way Allah does.

But you're wrong about their so-called God being a mountain god -- it's a volcano god. Get your facts straight, son, or you'll lose credibility. What do the Jews have to do with mountains, after all? They're all pawn brokers. But Sinai was a volcano, y'see, and that's what explains all them flashing lights and clouds of smoke and pillars of fire and suchlike that we's allways reedun abowt in da bibble!!!! Git it????? It all makes so much sense, now. Thanks for clearing that up.

So that proves the stinking Jews are bad. As for your salient observation regarding the stinking so-called Amerikkkans, I hate them more than the stinking jews, down't wee!???!!??!! Cuz I'm sure all that bombing we're doing in Iraq, you know, in the malls and discos and playgrounds and topiary parks and Museums of Tolerance -- we're the ones who keep atrocitizing all of them. Americrap stinks. Boo!!!! Boo on Americaca! Thanks for pointing that one out -- I missed it when I was talking about the A-bomb and slavery and shit.

You're right, I did forget the 20th century. I had it with me just a little while ago ... now where did I forget it -- let me see. It's not in my pocket. It's not under the bed. Oh well, never mind. I'm sure it's not important. Maybe some Uropeon stoled it??!??! That'd be jus lick them!??$! Man I hat themn yer-a-peons!!!! Tee hee!! Did you know that the yugopeepeeones are by far the most violent and dangerous people to ever inhabit the Earth? It's a fact. They're the one group that it's okay to be bigoted about, cuz they're so bad. Why just take Mao, who murdered 60 million. Typical. I think he was a Dane, like me. I suck. And the Khmer Rouge murdered a third of the population of Cambodia, which is a small principality nestled in the bosom of the Alps (right next to China, as a matter of proven fact) -- the Alps are a notoriously European mountain range ... or would it be "the Alps is"? -- typical of the stupid Eruptopustules to be so stupid. And then there's Uganda and Rwanda and Darfur -- Africa, as you know, is a peninsula of Europe.

Your point about 9/11 is unassailable. I have to admit I was a little sarcastic in some of my previous paragraphs, but you've brought me around. Murdering only 3000 people is far better than some hundreds of thousands. Your math is impeccable. Observations about the nature of war in general, and WWII specifically, are irrelevant. You can't argue with the numbers. QED. Your only error is in the fact that it was really Jorge Butch and the jewboys who were behind 9/11.

You honed the argument down to its quintessence. My really foolish point, now that you've clarified it for me, was that the moslems are a uniquely violent people. What was I thinking? That's so bigoted of me. The fact, as you've proven, is that "Christians and Jews are more violent than the Muslims", and that "Christianity is more violent than Islam."

Please, contact me again if you see any other little errors you can help me out of.


GUYK said...

Raghead logic is still raghead logic and yeah, I'm a bigot when it comes to ragheads. I will not go to a raghead doctor, stay in a motel run by ragheads, nor will shop at a store run by ragheads. As far as I am concerned they can all go on to paradise..right now! But I am not all that logical either because I will burn their gasoline in hopes that global warming will fry them in their wool robes.

Jack H said...

Oh, G -- for shame! Did you know that you're a bigot? That's so bigoted.

But seriously. Conduct. Conduct. Conduct.


Ms.Green said...

"Christianity is more violent than Islam.

I was just reading the other day in the Voice of the Martyrs about a Christian priest who had a young Muslim girl hung from a crane until dead because she dared to accuse some very religious and pious Muslim men of repeatedly raping her.

No, wait a minute, I'm sorry...that happened in Iran, and there aren't many Christians there.

Here's one. A Christian father and his sons brutally tortured, choked, and then burned the body of his daughter because he found out she was having premarital sex with her boyfriend.

No...I'm sorry. I just went back and checked my story was actually a Muslim family...but I'm sure that was an extreme exception to the rule.

Ok. I know this is right...there was a thwarted attempt by some Christian doctors to place car bombs into heavily populated areas so as to maximize the carnage...

Christianity is more violent than Islam.

You bet it is.

Jack H said...

Ms. "Green," eh? More like Ms. *Dark* Green. Cuz it's so harsh to point out hypocrisy and ignorance. That's the problem with you religious people. Everything has to be your way. Hey, dude -- there is no truth. That's just something The Man made up to control the People. And that's the truth.


Ms.Green said...

You are mean spirited Jack, and I care more than you. So that makes me a better person than you. I'm smarter too and I'm proud of my Dark Greenness. At least I know who I am.

How do you spell greenness anyway? Did I get it right?

Jack H said...

I should have married *you.* Your words are sweet nothings to my ears. Compared to what I've grown used to. Ah, how my back longs for the sweet daggers of despair that only a woman can bring. Good times. Good times.

Bitter? *You're* bitter.