Nausea

There are many things I write here, that I do not share. I do not think that you would want to see them. But there is madness in the air tonight, and I'm feeling disrespectful. So let me unlock the chamber of horrors, and we'll take just a peek.


It's night. The house is dark. The front door is not locked. Inside, now the light is on. The air is still and stifling. The heat is on and almost unbearable. The goldfish in the tank are dead, floating on the surface.

A call. No answer. Silence like heavy breathing closes in from the walls. Through the door to the hall. Another call. Silence. The bathroom light is on. Water spills onto the floor from the tub. In it, beneath the water, a naked body rests suspended, face submerged. The knees are bent. Hair sways in long trails, stirred by the splashing flow. The mouth is partly open. The eyes are open wide.

A reaching out for support. A turning away. Movement down a hall. Through a bedroom door. The light is on. Strange shadows. A chair is on its side. From the ceiling light, from a belt, a body hangs. Naked. Pigeon-toed. The mouth is filled with tongue. The eyes bulge. Everything is still.


Meaningless, of course. It means nothing. What could it mean? It might mean anything. Nothing.


It's day. The door stands wide open. The screen is torn. Flies circle in the center of the living room. The smell of feces fills the air. Black stains cover the carpet, trailing to the kitchen. The walls are swathed with red splatters.

In the kitchen, one of them lies curled on a side. A thousand stab wounds shred the shirt, once white, now blossomed scarlet. The other lies face down, crosswise over the legs of the first. The knife has fallen from the hand. The pool of blood spreads no longer from the wound in the neck. Cut throat.


There. You see? Meaningless confusion. I confuse the issue, just to be cruel. I like to be cruel. It makes me feel powerful.

No. I'm sorry. It's just that sometimes I can't sleep. Sometimes I have dreams. One after the other. Then something wakes me up.


J