Undressing Wounds

I gave myself away. I've said too much, and you found out how I am. You thought I was strong. Now you know. I'm weak. Too much honesty. More than is entirely comfortable. Sorry about that. Should I have left you to your illusion? It's more uncomfortable for me. I have my pride. I'd like to be what I seemed to be. If I can't be that, I'd settle for a respectable illusion. Too late. I gave myself away.

But I'm no different than you. Your life may be a better fit, but what wisdom you have, you learned by watching your foolishness. And for all that I show you the infection in my wounds, I have not lost my dignity. I do not whine, I do not snivel -- I observe, and I say what I see. Maybe I think you can help. If it has something of disintegration and despair in it, that's not all there is. I don't know what I will do with myself. Maybe I'll give up. Maybe I'll thrive. It's the same with you.

If you think otherwise, you have not thought deeply on the matter. There is a list of things that every person has, of what is vitally important. Certain family members. People you love. Your self image or your character. Your health or your ability to do what you love to do. Your mental acuity. These things, or things like them -- whatever's on your list -- can be lost. One after the other. And you're stripped naked, past the skin, to bone. At some point you'll crumble. If you were strong, you'll last longer. But you will end in weakness. The strongest thing is not to find at last the release of death. It's not to continue on, burdened with a suffering that cannot be conveyed. The strongest thing is to heal. You cannot predict the point past which healing becomes impossible. You'll know it when you get there.

That's how it is with everyone. The more we learn about each other, the gentler we have to be. But that's a good thing. If we can't be patient with foolishness, what is patience for? Even when you know you're wrong, and need to hear the clear common sense words of correction, it matters how they are spoken. When we see how small we really are, there's that much more to respect when we do right. If it were easy, it wouldn't be honorable.

I've shown you what a fool I am. I don't want pity, judgment or advice. I just wanted you to see how I really am. I got tired of pretending. I gave myself away on purpose. We need to be known. If you think of me, be patient. You've seen the infection, but you don't know how I got the wounds.


J