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Saturday, November 10, 2007

Being Fair

"I did not have sex with that woman."

You may be asking yourself whose quote that is. While it is whispered that Ms. Hillary Clinton, prospective 2008 Democrat candidate for the presidency, might be in a position to have said it, this is in actuality a well-known public perjury of her nominal husband, former president bill clinton. In fact, there exists no verified information seriously suggesting that Hillary "the Clamp" Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were ever physically intimate. Ms. Lewinsky is not known otherwise to have been the subject of gossip along these particular polymorphic lines. Susan Estridge and other FOCs have characterized as "scurrilous slanders" the many assertions that call into question Ms. Clinton's proclivities, and because the pages of Forgotten Prophets™ consistently maintain the very highest standard of objectivity and veracity, we can neither confirm nor deny such persistent and convincing rumors.

Likewise, "I hate America" -- sometimes using the adjectival expletive, "f*cking" -- commonly appears in internet and other non-MainStream platforms, attributed to Ms. Clinton and other prominent and/or vocal Democrats and Leftists. The YouTube video purporting to show Ms. Clinton mouthing this phrase is most likely a fake.

The person speaking is undoubtedly Ms. Clinton, but the fine details of the lip movements seem somehow unnatural, and it is the opinion of many that some CGI effect is at work here, similar to those that make pigs and infants appear to speak in television commercials. Corroboration of this theory lies in the fact that exactly the same clip is circulating, in which Ms. Clinton appears to be saying, "I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky." In this version, a comically large and gnarled finger rises from the lower field and wags itself at the camera.

Finally, inside-the-Beltway buzz has long maintained that Ms. Clinton is not a genuine blond, but instead, a mere bleached-blond. While we here at FP hold no opinion as to the often-asserted superiority of blonds over non-blonds, and while we repudiate the elitist and discriminatory attitudes that promulgate such positions, however well-supported by countless objective measurements, we do feel it is appropriate to question the degree of self-loathing and the implicit repugnance felt about one's own genetics and ethnic/racial heritage inherent in the deliberate disguising of so salient a feature as the very colour of the hair on one's head. The consensus among psychologists is that it represents a self-loathing of the darker-hued races, and an envy of the beauty and grace so common among true or "real" blonds. We view it as a sort of racism.

The persistent reports that Ms. Clinton's maternal maternal grandmother was a mulatto, making Ms. Clinton a near-octoroon, or in her terminology, "twice-removed from a half-quadroon" -- used last week in a nationally televised speech before the NAACP and delivered in the rising cadences she selectively affects of a black Baptist preacher -- all this is an utter irrelevance. But that she should attempt to hide the African influence in the pigmentation of her hair reveals a disturbing, and indeed shameful hearkening back to the days of Jim Crow and minstrel shows. Is this what America should expect from those seeking its highest offices?

Much disrepute has fallen upon true blonds, because these dusky poseurs persist in their dissembling. As Dr. William Shoenfeld of MIT recently published in the Journal of Intelligence and Genetics, in "every single documented case of the phrase 'dumb blonde'" being used, it "always applies to a non-blonde in disguise..."

That Ms. Clinton should be so dishonest, so actively and deliberately deceptive as to attempt to deceive the world in so fundamental a thing as her very appearance -- such a calumny must call into question the very foundation of her character. For our part, we are reluctant to credit the idea. It is too monstrous. A person who would lay claim to a beauty clearly not her own would certainly hate America, and have sex with that woman. We cannot bring ourselves to believe it, even in such politically-charged times as these, where threats both foreign and domestic imperil our lives and our civilization. So disreputable a character is manifestly unfit for public office, let alone for the highest office in the land.


J

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