Update

I've done nothing for a week and a half. I suppose I have to confess that I just made that stuff up, about my new best friends. A lad can dream. The reality is that I've been assiduously idle, and am feeling the effects. They are wonderful. For the first time in years I've had consecutive days without ache. And now I'm afraid to start up again. Soft? I've grown soft? What of it? And who are you to judge me? It's laughable. The mouse squeaks and hears a roar. How the vultures envy the eagle. Pile on, jackals -- you think the lion is wounded. You disgust me.

These things move in cycles, of course. Something I've been neglecting: part of the cycle is to rest. It's been more than two years since I took more than two days off. Not smart, and here I am, a certifiable genius. And also very handsome. I've been driven, you see. I'm a little concerned that it's damaged me. What if I never stop aching? What if I've crossed some line? The rest of my life, with sore knees? Didn't think that's what I was signing up for. I expect it's just activity dependent though. And driven for what reason? Toward what end? Certainly not about ass-kicking. That's why I was a runner -- option one. It's more of an intellectual than a character issue, though, the running. I'm too stubborn to run. A little self-destructive, in fact. More than a little. But that's another story, for which there is not going to be time, ever.

Me, a bad ass? It's very kind and insightful of you to think so, but no. There are always people who are going to be more mobile than I am, and faster, and more agile, and more technical, and who have more skill. I am what I am, not actually gifted, just a plodder, at this little sport we call bjj. But nobody is likely to be stronger, pound for pound, and the height is a big help, usually. The age thing is nothing but a handicap, but then again that is after all the reason that I'm immobile and slow and graceless. If I'd played this sport 30 years ago, there'd be movies about me now. My world is large, but not large enough for regrets of this sort. Reality does not yield to regret. I will take the body that I have, long of bone by nature, and strong through diligent application of effort, and I will do with it the best that I can. In a life where everything is a metaphor, age will be a mountain to scale.

So yesterday I sat and watched them roll where my son goes. He cut his hand, and is taking a week off. It looked good. Looks like I might get a workout. Maybe I'll get beaten. Maybe more than rarely. Maybe a lot. That would be good. In the back of my mind, I'm always a little afraid I'll lose. Strange, isn't it. Ego. How pathetic. Part of my old programming. I had to fight a lot when I was a kid, and I never won. But that's another story, for no other time. I suppose I'll start rolling again next week. Gonna work out tonight. It's been three weeks or so. But I'm feeling mahvelous. And I'm very handsome.

Bet you're missing all my insightful insights into politics and God. Bear with me. The spirit moves me when it will. I do take requests, so if you're dying to know the true facts about some mystery that's been puzzling you, I'd be pleased to clear things up for you. Pushing back the darkness -- it's what I do. I'm certifiable.


J