TLC

Got my cholesterol checked today. Wasn't so bad. I didn't know pharmacists did prostate exams though. He insisted. You'd think he'd at least have taken me behind a curtain or something. I'm not quite sure what all the numbers mean, but my triglyceride score was 632. He said he'd hardly ever seen a score like that. So I'm glad about that. Total cholesterol was 454, and my LDL, which I think is the good one, was 211. Pow. In your face, carnivores! I'm AMAZING!

Kidding, of course. Total cholesterol was 3. No, sorry, kidding again. It was 129. I add quite a bit of olive oil to my food, and a lot of coconut oil as well, which raises cholesterol, I've read, but it keeps a good ratio, unlike animal fats. The pharmacist said he didn't see a TC score like that very often. Triglycerides, well, there's a less-than sign, so it must be below 45. The form says they're looking for under 150, so that's good. HDL, the "good" cholesterol, is (also) 45. They want it over 40, so that seems good. I don't know how much over is good, or too much, or any of that. I report, you decide. TC to HDL ratio, 2.8. But it's the LDL, the "bad" cholesterol, that's funny. No value. It was too low. I have no bad cholesterol? Sounds right to me. All my cholesterol is good. It has something to do with the low triglyceride level, so the LDL was too low to register. Fasting blood sugar, 90, after a fast of about 15 hours. 10% body fat, although those machines never get me right, especially if they go by age. Pulse 49. BP 121/77 -- seems high, but it is what it is. For some reason there was no cost, no fee. A screening or promotion or something. Well, that's nice.

I don't have a sense of what this really means. I know it's good, but I couldn't say how good, in terms of percentiles and so on. And these things would work in ranges, so there's no one score that's best. Different bodies need different specifics. Enough to say it's good, then. Very good. Phenomenal in fact. Amazingly spectacular. Superdelicioso. Next Saturday I'm going in to have my penis measured. I have no idea, but it will be spectacular.


J