Thursday, April 8, 2010

Elective Procedures

Yes, it's true. It is just true. I've self-diagnosed as marginally autistic, and at various times as clinically depressed, and now, the final ignominy. I have Obama Derangement Syndrome. The others are the result of happenstance and fate. This, sadly, is a result of my flawed character. I should be bigger than this. I should be better. I have descended, contemptibly, to the depths of the BDS Left.

So I'll just throw it all away. I am resolved now, insofar as I remain capable of resolve, to degrade myself and all who come under my sway, with my lack of dignity and of judgment. There is no longer any low or vile thing that I will not say or do, in pursuit of my bigotry, against The Kenyan. He's not even a mutt, repudiating as he is of his white half. See? I'm a racist. Man I'm disgusting.

And just to cover the bases, I also hate women and gays. Somehow. I must masturbate a lot I guess. Because I also hate animals, which is one reason I love guns, but also to shoot illegal aliens. Point is that, what sexual outlet could I have? See the flow of my logic? Oh, it has its own consistency.

Problem is I don't really know of any big website that I can vent hatefully. There is no Daily Kos for the extreme rightwing, which is what I now am. I've tried to get FP to grow, but no one is smart enough to see how great it is. Maybe buy a billboard in Times Square? JumboTron? Prettyboys in underwear? Mmmm. Know what? Screw it. It's just too much work. I might as well take the final plunge into the cesspool, and be a Lefty. It's only about two inches away, extremist that I discover myself to be.


Yes, I can do this.

Man, I love Obama so much. Amazing how stupid, racist America could have finally been smart enough to elect this Messiah of Perfection. We white haters are so bad, look how we're destroying The Planet. I wish I was a woman, and a gay man. And capitalism oppresses, uh, The Planet and all People of Color. Lead should be banned, as should salt and plastic. Um, and healthcare is a right. But freedom of opinion is not, unless you agree with me and my Progressive smart stuff ideas. (Sorry, I don't have the lingo down quite right yet.)

But I finally have an erection. All this power, don't you know. So I'll be busy for the next minute and a half, handling the only business I care about. I just wish I had a government manufactured vagina, or a bigger anus. With Obama's Brave New Healthcare all up in me, I guess I will.

Malcolm J

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