Sunday, August 28, 2011


Images that come up when I googled "$800 vagina":

No, that's not it. More of a dick than a vagina. Dude's lady talked him into trying to impregnate a 12-year-old girl, so the lady could get a bigger welfare check. Here's the lady:
Orange suits them.

And this came up:
I fail to see the resemblance ... but it's been a long time since I've actually seen a vagina. Is this a vagina, nowadays? Has Evolution been at work behind my back? This, if I'm not mistaken, is an asteroid. I am not an asteroid man ... back in the day, I identified myself as a vagina man. But I'm old now, and passed all that.

Ah, this is getting closer:
This is the strip mall that a sex-crazed loser and pervert crashed a semi into and grabbed an $800 vagina, complete with legs and buttocks. No torso. And I mean he used a semi TRUCK.

So I'm a part-time janitor at the gym I workout at in, and I've got repetitive strain injury in my left elbow from all the mopping I do. I've switched lead arms, and keep the left crooked into my chest, but that's not helping a lot. I asked Duwayne, the head trainer, for some sort of electric mop, but he just laughed at me and later poured crushed ice down my shorts. Man I hate that dude. He's all roided up, so I don't make eye-contact with him, but I'll find a way to get even. Like, uh, switch his contact lens solution with super glue, or, uh, switch his hemorrhoid cream with ben gay, no, tiger balm. You know, I'll switch something for something else, and it will be great. Maybe his steroids with hemorrhoid cream. Get it? That'd be great. Yeah. Sterrhoids. That's good. I should market that, make a lot of money, quit this nowhere job and open that carwash I've always dreamed about running. Hot babes in shortshorts all wet and wild rubbing down red convertables with lots of suds and a little Ozzie blaztun from these mega hemi PX amps I got my eye on about the size of a two story building. And the chicks'll be all, Oh Jack you're so fine and hot and we love your rippling muscles and your hairy chest and masculine bony forehead and long pointed nose that's so hot, and I'll be all, sure baby, I'm yer one and only, now go wash my red TransAm and make me some money, and put on some Arrowsmith and gogo dance for me and shake your long hair all falling in front of your face and sweaty. Yeah, that's what it will be like. Man.

What, is it Sunday? Missed church again.


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