Wednesday, October 26, 2011


"We have lost our ambition, our imagination, and our willingness to do the things that built the Golden Gate Bridge." So says The Idiot.

First, when he says "we", you know he's not including himself, cuz he's the smartest guy in the room. So he means you. Why are you like that? Why are you so lazy and unimaginative and uncooperative? Tsk tsk. You're the reason America is not great, not that it ever was.

Second, he's not saying "We are losing..." -- nope, we have lost it. Past tense. Ship has sailed, then hit an iceberg, then a tidal wave flipped it upside down. And you know he means it, because he's so eloquent and skillful and nuanced. He couldn't not mean it. That would be gauche and boorish and incompetent and inarticulate and really breathtakingly poor leadership. We would NOT elect someone like that. So he means it. Sadly, the aforementioned incompetence applies if he does, which he does, mean it, and also if he does not mean it. A paradox then. We got into our time machine and killed our grandmother. We elected someone we could not have elected. Like Humpty Dumpty, BO is the master of his words, which mean whatever he wants them to mean.

Hey, moron: ambition for what? Building Golden Gate Bridges? Great Government Sponsored Five-Year Planned Projects? Y'ever hear of this thing called individualism? Cuz we haven't lost that ... it's just being highly demotivated by your eh-hole sophomoric masturbatory policies. I got yer too big to fail right here. Stimulate this. Sorry, yer highness ... I am unwilling to be a worker in your hive. Not a problem to imagine what that would be like.

So we've got another carter, giving another Malaise Speech. Hey, moron dumbass, "presidents" have this thing called "the bully pulpit" -- a phrase coined by a good president. Browbeating the country by telling us what "we" need to do isn't actually helpful. Leadership requires more than cheerleading. Cheerleadership? A phrase coined for a crap president. Tied with carter for second worst. Pierce was the worst, what with Kansas bleeding all over the place, but then again, BO could be reelected, and then he'd be the worst. Out carter carter, the highest superlative of naive arrogant incompetence.

Oh, it certainly could be worse. I could be on fire. That would be worse. But please, America, what we need to do is be willing to build some imagination with our ambition, envision a Golden Gate Bridge to Nowhere, for our children, and our children's children, and our children's children's children. Never mind why children are having children. My sex ed policies will eventually take effect, in just one generation beyond testable limits, and then Global Warming will be halted because all the body heat from these extra fetuses will quantitatively ease.

Thank you, thank me, and Allah bless The United States of Mexico. Good night.


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